HOLLY-WOE-IS-ME – At the 2017 Golden Globes Awards show, Meryl Streep gave the performance of a lifetime when she played Debbie Downer to great acclaim from the downtrodden audience. Most sat terrified, frozen in fear over the reality of an inevitable Trump administration. But the real fun came at the Globes’ ‘after’ pity parties.
After what nearly all of the celebrities thought would be the happiest GG ceremony of their make-believe lives, celebrating the coming four years of a Hillary presidency, the low energy continued well into the early morning hours at various ‘after’ pity party locations.
Streep is still so butt-hurt over Donald Trump’s victory that she was unable to sit, and had to stand for an entire party. She spent several hours having drinks with various straw men that she invented, often in dark corners.
Poor Bryan Cranston was so distraught over the election that he had an assistant lift his champagne glass to his lips for him, unable to do it himself. Rosie Perez left a pity party early, saying she needed to do some last-minute shopping, and say goodbye to some old friends, before she’s deported on January 21st.
Many were suggesting the awards shows should be cancelled for the next several years, because, what’s the point? Leo DiCaprio sat with his head in his hands at a pity party, mumbling about climate change over and over, “There won’t be a planet here in a couple of years anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.”
Sarah Jessica-Parker has stopped eating and, on doctor’s orders, was being force-fed caviar by her husband, Ferris Bueller. Who wouldn’t want to party with these folks?!