Michael Phelps Contemplating Rehab for Gold Addiction

RIO – American swimming champion, Michael Phelps, has had a long term addiction to gold. And now that he’s thinking about hanging up his Speedo, he’s thinking it may finally be time to address his addiction. Phelps has tried to wean himself off of gold with other medals like silver and bronze, but he relapsed each time and went back to his gold habit.

After refusing to acknowledge his gold addiction in 3 separate Olympics, in 3 different parts of the world, Phelps finally appears to be ready to ask for help. As of yesterday, Phelps himself owned 6% of the world’s gold supply.

Phelps gold addiction

“I feel like a hoarder in some ways,” Michael said. “My friends and family have urged me to get help for my addiction, but I refused to see it. My denial was second to none. But look, I’ve now got so many gold medals that I use them for coasters in my apartment. When is enough enough?!”

Phelps, who is nearly 9 feet tall, will be checking into the Mark Spitz Center for Gold Medal Dysfunction after returning home from Rio. Spitz said he was looking forward to welcoming Phelps to his clinic, and helping him get the gold monkey off his back.

 

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  1. Rumor has it that Spitz confiscates all of the gold from his rehab clients and uses it for fillings in his patients’ teeth. Any truth to that rumor?

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