Amid Allegations, Dustin Hoffman Banned From Ever Making Alabama Senate Run

MONTGOMERY – Civic leaders throughout Alabama are reacting tonight to allegations of sexual misconduct by Hollywood actor Dustin Hoffman, who is being accused of making unwanted sexual advances to several young women – including one who was a teenager at the time.

The charges mean that Hoffman, 80, will never be allowed to run for an Alabama senate seat, no matter how badly he might want to. Newly-elected senator Dougie Jones said the state cannot handle another Roy Moore fiasco.

State politicians admitted they’ll have to keep a sharp eye out for Hoffman who, with his acting skills, could attempt to run for office posing as a transvestite, a midnight cowboy, a college graduate, or even an idiot savant – Alabama has lots of those.

Hoffman’s agent released a statement from the star in response to the sexual charges against him, which read: “Uh oh…..uh oh……yeeaah….definitely not gonna be able to run for senate in Alabama….definitely not in Alabama. Course, Saban is god in Alabama. Yeeaah, definitely a god. Yeeaah.”

Hollywood insiders speculate that the accusations brought by the women may not even be true, but rather an elaborate scheme to punish the Academy Award winning actor for being at least partially responsible for the existence of the movie¬†Ishtar, which should’ve never seen the light of day in the first place.

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