Anderson Cooper: Top Buttons On Stormy Daniels’ Blouse Defied Laws of Physics

Stormy

NEW YORK – Millions of viewers to the 60 Minutes Stormy Daniels interview by CNN’s Anderson Cooper were riveted to their screens for one reason only, according to a deep dive into the ratings for the show: Would the top two buttons on Daniels’ blouse be able to maintain their structural integrity throughout the interview?

Anderson Cooper admitted he was amazed by what he witnessed during his sit-down with the porn star. “There were definitely some laws of physics broken during our talk,” he said. “Throughout the entire interview, I had the fear that those two buttons were going to fly off in my direction. I knew I had my glasses on, but one of those could take an eye out! It would’ve been like a champagne cork going off in your direction.”

Members of focus groups, as well as those surveyed by phone just after the interview, proved that most people couldn’t take their eyes off those two buttons. “I thought she was a pretty redhead, but I didn’t pay much attention to what she looked like,” said Scott Wheeler, a welder from Las Vegas. “I thought I heard Trump’s name at one point but I can’t be sure. Those buttons had me hypnotized, I think. Maybe she used gorilla glue on those buttons or something?”

A scientist from Dartmouth University said his team is baffled. “You had so much force being applied by those two beasts on Stormy’s chest, and for such an extended period of time, that those buttons should have either broken in two or the fabric of the shirt should have given way, letting them fly. How that didn’t happen is beyond us.”

Sadly, this is one of those mysteries that may never be solved.

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