Biden Exposes Dems As Chump-A-Phobes During Small Rally

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PENNSYLVANIA – Presidential candidate is spilling dirty little secrets about his party at his few public appearances. This weekend, he called Trump supporters ‘chumps.’ And he’s clearly worried about them. Speaking from the Great Pumpkin Patch to a small gathering of scarecrows, he said, “What do we as Democrats do to someone who doesn’t agree with our views? That’s right. We name-call. Because that’s all we’ve got. But it’s worked well for us so far! We shame them into surrendering to our position. I love how we just add ‘phobe’…

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Twitter Fact Check: Joe Biden Was Never Vice President

TWITTERVERSE – Democrat Joe Biden is in a heap of trouble these days. The presidential candidate and his son Hunter have been accused of some pretty bad behavior. It seems Hapless Joe has been accused of using the Biden name to enrich his own family for decades. The damning evidence on a “laptop from Hell,” as Joe calls it, could hurt Democrats’ chances of winning the White House in a couple of weeks. Fortunately for the Biden’s, the arbiters of truth in our society, Twitter and Facebook, have Joe’s back.…

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CNN Unsure About Jeffrey’s Future, Toobin Says He’d Like To Stick It Out

Toobin

NEW YORK – Masturbating during Zoom calls has not gone mainstream yet. CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin didn’t get the memo. So network executives met to discuss his future with the company. Toobin has taken a leave of absence in light of being caught pleasuring himself during a Zoom call. The network says their guy is suffering from over-exposure. “At first, I thought about just giving him the shaft,” said CNN president Jeff Zucker. “But after I cooled down, I realized that Jeffrey is just the kind of degenerate we…

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Biden On Excessive Force: Cops Could Be Trained To ‘Just Kick ‘Em In The ‘Nads’

excessive force

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden made headlines this week for stating that cops need to be retrained to eliminate the use of excessive force. It’s part of his “kinder, gentler reimagining of the police.” And based on testimony from Tara Reade, Biden is an expert on excessive force. The presidential candidate said recently that cops shouldn’t shoot to kill when dealing with a criminal. He suggested police shoot a suspect in the leg instead – if they’re black. If they’re white, police are free to shoot wherever. “I don’t know…

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ABC Town Hall Shocker: Stephanopoulos Surprised To Learn Biden Has Children

NEW YORK – Democrat Joe Biden held a town hall event Thursday night. The show aired on ABC, with George Stephanopoulos running interference for the former vice president. Joe wore his mask and a softball uniform due to the lack of tough questions he would face. Although Biden’s son, Hunter, is implicated with his dad in a Ukrainian corruption scandal, the presidential candidate was never asked about the growing scandal. The story has gone viral after mainstream media outlets tried to hide it from the American people. Stephanopoulos: Tell us…

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Facebook, Twitter Call A Lid On Hunter/Joe Biden ‘Smoking Gun’ Story

ONLINE – Facebook and Twitter, the social media wings of the Democrat Party, banned a story that made Joe Biden look bad. The ‘smoking gun’ article was published by the New York Post and proves corruption by Joe Biden. In light of the news, Biden called a lid on his campaign for the day. The platforms promptly followed by calling a lid on the unflattering story. “The New York Post story exposes Joe Biden for corruption involving his son Hunter and the Ukrainian company, Burisma. This could damage his 2020…

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Michigan Gov Whitmer Hires Liam Neeson In Case She Gets Taken

LANSING – Last week, a plot to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen (Cruella) de Whitmer was foiled by law enforcement officials. The plot was planned by a far-left group of anarchists who wanted to overthrow the government. However, the would-be kidnappers fought the law….and the law won. Still, Cruella was shaken by the revelation. So much so that she’s now hired actor Liam Neeson as her personal bodyguard. You may remember Neeson is famous for his roles in the movies Taken, Taken 2, and Taken 3. He’s currently working on the…

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Debate: Pence Hopes Plexiglass Will Protect Him From STD From Kamala

plexiglass

SALT LAKE CITY – During last-minute preparations for the VP debate here tonight, Vice President Mike Pence had a few questions. Mostly about health and safety. Mostly about the plexiglass partition that will separate he and his opponent, Kamala Harris. “Forget Covid,” the Vice President said. “From what I’ve heard over the years, I’m more worried about catching a STD from Senator Harris. I know her a little bit, but God knows where she’s been. I could tell you some stories that even make me blush.” The VP wondered aloud…

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Trump Eats Bowl Of Covid, Chugs Gallon Of Liberal Tears Just Before Discharge

liberal tears

WALTER REED – Just before being discharged, President Trump requested one last hospital meal before heading back to the White House. The president is being discharged following a successful treatment for Covid-19. Trump requested ‘a heaping bowl of coronavirus and a gallon of liberal’s tears.’ The president said he’d gotten quite an appetite during his stay and that Walter Reed Hospital has excellent chefs. According to his chief-of-staff Mark Meadows, “The president scarfed down the entire bowl of the virus. He washed it down by chugging the entire gallon of…

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Leftists Claim Founding Fathers Signed Blank Sheet Of Paper, Called It Constitution

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TWITTER – Liberals on Twitter slammed President Trump for what they claim is a picture of Mean Orange Man signing a blank sheet of paper. The picture was supposed to show that the president is still working, despite his ongoing treatment for coronavirus at Walter Reed Hospital. There is no way to tell from the picture what the president was signing, or if it had something printed on it. That hasn’t stopped leftists from taking to Twitter en masse to say the photo was staged. Since leftists are praying (some…

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