Clinton Campaign Says Hillary Has ‘Happy Pneumonia’

NEW YORK CITY – A day after collapsing while she was trying to board a van to leave a 9-11 ceremony, Hillary Clinton’s campaign is clarifying her diagnosis of pneumonia. If her people are to be believed, she has the best kind of pneumonia you can get.

Hillary assistant Huma Weiner explained her boss’s condition this way:

“Hillary does, in fact, have pneumonia. But she is an extraordinary woman, so she doesn’t have pneumonia like the commoners. She has what doctor’s call ‘Happy Pneumonia.’ Happy pneumonia is extremely rare, and is the kind of illness that can have you passing out, collapsing, and unable to control your own body one minute, and then happy, smiling, greeting little girls on the street, and walking around without a single person nearby to help if you collapse again, just a couple of hours later. A patient with happy pneumonia can succumb to blistering, upper 70 degree temperatures one moment, and then go outside, hours later – when it’s even hotter outside – and proclaim, ‘It’s a beautiful day in New York!’

It’s a wonderful affliction. Instead of lying in bed, feeling miserable, you feel strong enough to campaign and lead the free world. Many people wish they could catch the kind of pneumonia that Hillary has. She’s truly a special woman. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this disease, it’s the same tragic malady that plagued Ferris Bueller back in the 1980’s.”

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  1. Rich Hoffer September 13, 2016 at 7:26 AM -

    Here’s something the media missed. Personally, I think she faked the whole thing so she could get out of listening to Rudy Giuliani speak! Just sayin’!

    • E. Williams September 13, 2016 at 8:33 AM

      You conspiracy theorist, you.

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