cnn drone

CNN to Fill Skies With Biased Drones

ATLANTA – CNN has announced it will introduce a new level of reporting with the addition of CNN AIR (Aerial Imagery & Reporting). CNN AIR will be a fleet of drones that will be deployed to deliver a unique perspective on news events.

And, like CNN’s anchors themselves, the drones will be programmed to be biased in what they report back to the network. If video recorded by a drone does not match the narrative put forth by the network, it will simply be omitted during reporting, thanks to a 10-second delay CNN producers will use.

The drones, also known as “aerial Democrats,” will be used to fly over Black Lives Matter-sponsored riots, car chases, and natural disasters. Footage will selectively be used to help shape the viewer’s opinion on major stories.

cnn drone

Here’s how the drones will be used:

Say a shooter has killed a number of people in a public place, then fled the scene. The criminal carjacks a vehicle with two innocent passengers who are now considered hostages. A CNN drone will be able to fly close to the vehicle and deliver video much better than what helicopter cameras can deliver. If the criminal/terrorist is a white male, the drone will get close enough to tell what kind of cigarette he is smoking.

At that point, the talking heads will start talking about what a racist bigot the man is. If the suspect appears to be Middle Eastern, black, or any other race or nationality, the drone will pull back high into the sky and the reporters will announce that we will have to wait until the event ends, to prevent anyone from jumping to incorrect conclusions.

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  1. Rich Hoffer August 19, 2016 at 8:30 AM -

    But have they figured out how to tell if the white male is a Republican or a conservative wack job? That would be critical to the entire story I would think! Otherwise, how do we know it’s not another guy like the Florida night club shooting, who was really a dyed in the wool Democrat?

    • E. Williams August 19, 2016 at 9:10 AM

      They’ll be able to get the drone close enough to do facial recognition and then check their background info.

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