Tests on Lab Rats Show Detrimental Effects of Joe Scarborough’s Music

scarborough

NEW YORK – In case you missed it – lucky you – MSNBC’s former-Republican talk show host, Joe Scarborough, has decided to punish the world by releasing a music video for a song about President Trump. The song is called Mystified, and you will be as well. To prove just how terrible, lame, and sucktastic Joe’s foray into the music world is, a group of lab rats were subjected to the sights and sounds of his video. The results were as dramatic and nauseating as you might have guessed. Of the…

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CNN Viewers Confused: “Is Russia Story BS or a Big Nothing-Burger?”

nothing-burger

ATLANTA – CNN is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. And their viewers are too. Undercover videos, released by Project Veritas this week, have shown a CNN producer calling the Trump/Russia story “bullsh*t.” Meanwhile, network contributor Van Jones calls the story “just a big nothing-burger.” CNN’s viewers are left scratching their heads. “Well, which is it?” viewer Brett Kaufman asked. “If the next person comes out and says ‘there’s no there, there,’ I’m going to kick somebody’s can down the road. I won’t know what the hell…

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Feminists Angry “Wonder Woman” Not Like Them, Want “Wonder Bitch” Movie

HOLLYWOOD – They’ve got their knives out again. Feminists, led by Gloria Steinem and her Ms. Magazine, are upset that the latest Wonder Woman character currently ruling the box office is not more like them. They want “Wonder Bitch” to hit the big screen. “It’s just not realistic to my mind,” a Ms. Magazine writer said. “This Wonder Woman is beautiful, has perfect hair, a perfect body. She’s a badass, but also lets her emotions enter into her decisions. Emotions like love. There’s already too much love in this world.…

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List of Top 10 ‘Most Body-Slam Worthy’ Members of Media Released

MONTANA – So a member of the Montana GOP roughed up a member of the press. A Montana think tank has released the latest list of what they call the “Top 10 Most Body-Slam Worthy” members of our mainstream media. Montanans are a rugged bunch and they can sense when a member of the arrogant media needs a good smack down. Here is their latest list of those media types who could use having a can of whoop-ass opened on them: 10. Juan Williams – Whiny Juan, what else can…

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Ted Nugent Schools Stephen A. Smith on Fox News: “I Got You in a Stranglehold, Baby”

NEW YORK – Rocker Ted Nugent and ESPN liberal Stephen A. Smith were guests on FNC’s new afternoon show Fox News Specialists on Thursday, and had a spirited debate about immigration. After Nugent made the point that the media on the Left routinely try to deceive viewers and distort the issue by using only the word “immigration,” instead of differentiating between legal and illegal immigration, Smith conceded that Ted was right. “I got you in a stranglehold, baby. You best get out of the way,” Nugent remarked. Smith’s arguments were flimsy…

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Anderson Cooper Pleasures Self During Kellyanne Conway Interview

ATLANTA – CNN has been reviewing tape after anchorman Anderson Cooper was caught pleasuring himself in the middle of an on-air interview with Trump counselor Kellyanne Conway. Cooper tried to be discreet about his (under the desk) activities, even holding his expressions of ecstasy until Conway looked down at her notes so she wouldn’t notice. CNN’s medical expert, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, was alerted by producers and expressed his concern. “When I saw the tape of the interview, I was worried that Anderson may have had a seizure or suffered a…

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Late Show’s Colbert Officially a Turd Nugget After Calling Trump ‘Putin’s C*ck Holster’

NEW YORK – CBS has got to be grinning from ear to crooked ear after their favorite son of late night TV grabbed headlines this week for slamming President Trump. The Late Show’s Stephen Colbert referred to the president as “Putin’s c*ck holster.” You can buy a vowel if you’d like. Echoing Michelle Obama’s famous quote from the Democratic National Convention, “When they go low….we go lower,” the former first lady must be proud. Colbert has made a name for himself on TV by being a twat waffle for years…

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O’Reilly Leaves Fox News, Now Nobody Looking Out For You

NEW YORK – It’s a tough time to be alive. For decades, America could relax at night because Bill O’Reilly and his O’Reilly Factor show were watching out for us. We knew that. It was comforting. But nothing lasts forever, and now you’re on your own. Oh sure, Bill will keep writing his “killing” books. His next is expected to be “Barack Obama: Killing America.” That should be good. But how will people know when/if they’re being pithy enough? Will America dumb down even more without its “word of the…

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Susan Rice to Star in Upcoming Al Gore Film “An Inconvenient Sleuth”

sleuth

WASHINGTON – Now that her cover has been blown, former Obama partner in crime, Susan Rice is headed for the big screen. Al Gore, the creator of climate change scam films “An Inconvenient Truth” and a soon to be released sequel, has hired Rice to be the lead in his next film, “An Inconvenient Sleuth.” Rice has apparently fancied herself a stealthy detective during her time in the Obama administration, sticking her nose into places within the intelligence community where it doesn’t belong. It’s come to light this week that…

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Fox News Says Judge Napolitano Benched for “Disturbingly Low Hairline”

NEW YORK – Sources at Fox News Channel are denying reports that popular legal analyst Judge Andrew Napolitano was suspended from the network because of comments he made regarding former President Obama using British assistance to wiretap President Trump last year. The reality, the sources insist, is much darker. They claim the judge was let go due to his “disturbingly low hairline.” “We overlooked this aspect of Judge Napolitano as long as we could. Don’t get me wrong, he’s brilliant, and a great guy, but he was scaring some of…

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