NEW YORK – Sources at Fox News Channel are denying reports that popular legal analyst Judge Andrew Napolitano was suspended from the network because of comments he made regarding former President Obama using British assistance to wiretap President Trump last year.
The reality, the sources insist, is much darker. They claim the judge was let go due to his “disturbingly low hairline.” “We overlooked this aspect of Judge Napolitano as long as we could. Don’t get me wrong, he’s brilliant, and a great guy, but he was scaring some of the children of our on-air talent,” one source noted.
Many of the kids whose parents appear on FNC think the judge could be part werewolf. “You should see him coming out of the pool at company picnics. With that low hairline, he looks like a stocky sheepdog.”
Napolitano is a favorite to millions of loyal FNC viewers, and the vast majority say they’re willing to overlook his freakishly low hairline if it means they can still get his legal insights on the channel.
Fox has put itself in a tough spot with the decision to remove the judge. They know there’s nothing he can do to correct the problem, yet some executives worry that his hairline may not recede as he ages, as is typical in most men, but may actually advance down his face – especially if he really is a legally brilliant werewolf hybrid.