Future Baristas Walk Out on VP Pence Commencement Speech

NOTRE DAME – About 100 current and future Starbucks baristas walked out on their own graduation ceremony this weekend as Vice President Mike Pence began his commencement speech to the 2017 class.

The millennial snowflakes, unable to sit through hearing from someone with a different opinion than their own, apparently plan to walk out of any situation in life that upsets them.

History major Brittany Elders said she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. “I was recently stuck in this god-awful traffic jam. Probably some loser had a wreck up ahead, or something. Anyway, like, I waited a few minutes, but all the cars in front of me wouldn’t get out of my way! So, I just got out of my car and walked away. Don’t know where my car is now. But I can’t deal with that.”

Conner Sampson, ready to face the world with his new medieval studies degree, said, “My parents said I didn’t have to stay for the vice president’s talk if it was too uncomfortable for me. Who knows what kind of hate speech he was going to spew? No thanks, I’m out.”

Renee Baxter, excited about her new gender studies degree, explained that since she was probably going to spend over half of her adult life protesting against any cause she disagrees with anyway, the graduation walk out was good practice for her.

It all goes to show, just because these children went to class, it doesn’t mean they have any. Now, go get my grande caramel frap.

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