Hillary Takes Month Off Campaign for “Infrastructure Renovation”

Hillary

NEW YORK – After warning supporters days ago not to become complacent, Hillary Clinton is taking a month off from the campaign trail. According to her campaign manager, Robby “Mooky” Mook, Clinton is going in to the body shop for much needed repairs.

“It’s more like an ‘infrastructure renovation,'” Mooky said. “She’s worn down. It’s time to replace some old parts that are suffering from wear and tear, and to do some touch up work on the inside ‘to try to make her appear more structurally sound down the homestretch.'”

He told CNN’s Dana Bash about some of the remodeling that Hillary is planning during her time off:

  • Shoulder replacement surgery – Damaged from overuse of raising arms to point at supporters.
  • Gyroscope implant – Will help Hillary maintain balance and not wobble so much.
  • Facelift – Duh.
  • Blood transfusions – Hillary will receive daily dialysis treatments and her blood will be infused with campaign cash, without which she could not survive.
  • Reconstructive dental surgery – So her upper teeth don’t look like she could eat an apple through a picket fence.

Mooky asked that viewers think of Hillary as a Democratic monument, one that needs periodic renovations to last for the long haul. Apparently, they don’t plan to address her black soul, but one month is not enough time to change that anyway.

This is what Mooky said Clinton should look like after her down time.
This is what Mooky said Clinton should look like after her down time.

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