Hillary Blames “Alt-Rock Conspiracy” for Attacks on Her Character

conspiracy

RENO – Hillary Clinton needed a media distraction from her ongoing email/Wikileaks/Clinton Foundation scandals, so she made one up today. Tossing a planned policy speech, she rambled through a speech in which she blamed Donald Trump and a “vast alt-rock conspiracy” for her troubles.

Here is a partial transcript of Hillary’s speech today:

“….and these racist, bigoted views have taken over my opponent’s campaign. This alt-rock section of the population that supports Mr. Trump are the ones responsible for the conspiracy theories that you hear about in the media.

For instance, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Weezer, Green Day, and former members of the Smashing Pumpkins believe I can’t be trusted as president simply because I don’t obey the law. Apparently, they don’t know I’m ‘all that.’

Alice in Chains have been reminding people that, while I call them racists, I used to worship the late, great Senator Robert Byrd, a former KKK Grand Dragon. I find that unconscionable. The Republican Party has been infiltrated by this alt-rock movement, and I find that disturbing and dangerous.

1aba

Panic! At the Disco, Blink 182, The Fray and others, keep telling their fans that my health is failing. But Americans know the truth! Falling, blood clots, coughing, concussions, broken bones, and barking do not indicate a person is not in the best shape of their life.

So today, I’m asking you to stand with me, and ignore the noise pollution coming from the likes of Incubus, Talking Heads, The Cure, and even Florence & that Machine of hers. They are part of the problem. We are the solution! Thank you! No, no questions.”

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2 Thoughts to “Hillary Blames “Alt-Rock Conspiracy” for Attacks on Her Character

  1. Barking??? Hillary is turning into a dog? I always KNEW she wasn’t that hot, but my God! I never realized it was THIS serious!!! I have to call The Enquirer! They actually pay $50 for the best story of the week!!!

    1. E. Williams

      You mean there’s money in this gig?!

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