THE HAMPTONS – Tired of hearing about not visiting those suffering through the flooding situation in Louisiana, Hillary Clinton finally admitted why she has avoided the state. She said a trip to the waterlogged area would present a clear and present danger to her safety.
“I’m mostly worried about drowning,” Hillary said. “Have you seen the water levels there?! If I fell, I could drown! In case you haven’t been paying attention, I’m not the most agile person in the country. I could go down any minute, and the water is so deep and murky in those floodwaters that they might not be able to find me in all that mess.”
“Then, throw in what a breeding ground that place must be for the Zika virus, and you can see why I’m not going anywhere near the place anytime soon. I would like to say to the people of Louisiana though that, for those who survive this disaster, I would still appreciate your vote.”
Continuing, Hillary said, “My advice for all those affected by this tragedy is to temporarily move to their second homes while the state dries out. The possibility of events like this is one of the reasons Bill and I own two very big homes.”
“And for any who might be upset that I haven’t made it to Louisiana yet, just remember that my health is more important than yours. Plus, they refused to pay my appearance fee of $250,000. Now, back to sleep.”