NEW YORK – She’s certainly not Cinderella, but Hillary Clinton has now been reduced to pimping shoes for singer Katy Perry’s fashion line. The new pumps cost $139 and feature clear acrylic heels. The shoes are designed for the unlikable female CEO, politicians, and streetwalkers.
The fashion pumps are called “The Hillary” and come in two colors. The see-through heels have little golden moons and stars suspended in them, supposedly symbolizing an unlikable woman “stepping in and reaching for the stars.” She’s always striving to break that acrylic ceiling.
Hillary insists that the shoes that bear her name look great with everything – even with the clown suits, burlap sacks, and futuristic garb that she wears. “America’s already given me the boot,” she said, “So it’s nice to have my own shoes.”
Clinton, herself an annoying bunion of the political world, still doesn’t realize how unlikable she is. She also said that any likable women who refuse to pay money for her namesake pumps are misogynists, and are not serving their own feet’s best interests.
The jokes are already writing themselves, of course, from “Is it wise for a woman who falls all the time to be a shoe model?” to “The heels on her shoes are the first transparent thing about her” to “Do these pumps make my ankles look fat?” to “Maybe she’ll click her heels 3 times and disappear for good!” We never said they were good jokes.