Hillary Tells Democrats to “Please Stop Trying to Help Me!”

DEEP IN THE WOODS – A group of hikers stumbled across Hillary Clinton in a thick forest near Chappaqua early today. Since her humiliating defeat in early November, Mrs. Clinton has shunned most human contact and has started learning to live off the land.

Looking particularly haggard, the hikers asked if there was anything they could do to help the year’s biggest loser. “Yes!” she screamed. “Please tell Democrats to stop trying to help me! I know they mean well, but I can’t take any more of these embarrassing losses.”

“I lost on election day, then I lost the recount, now I’ve lost the electoral college vote. Next, I’ll lose my mind if my supporters don’t stop whining, making excuses, protesting, and behaving like immature jackasses. I can do that all by myself! Please, just leave me alone.”

Many Clinton supporters still cling to the wild notion that some obscure rule or technicality will still get her into the White House. Others have instead opted to simply live in an alternate reality where Hillary actually won and will be their president. There is no point trying to help those people.

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