Huma Abedin: “Muslim Faith Helped Me Hold On To My Weiner”

CLEVELAND – After wrapping up a campaign event here for her boss, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, Huma Abedin told reporters that it was her Muslim faith that saw her through rocky times with her idiot husband, professional sexter Anthony Weiner.

“Truly, the only way I was able to hold on to my weiner during those turbulent times was holding fast to my faith. My religious leaders acknowledged that what Anthony did to me was a dick move, but if I ever wanted to be intimate with my weiner again, it could only come about through forgiveness,” Huma explained.

“Every day, during prayer time, I prayed this prayer: ‘I¬†wish I were Ms. Anthony Wiener, that is what I’d truly like to be, and if I were Ms. Anthony Wiener, everyone would be in love with me.'”

Abedin also said, in addition to her faith, she was inspired by Hillary. “She told me that, in politics, as long as you stand up for your weiner, it’ll stand up for you for years to come. She used the word ‘dick’ because she was referring to Bill, but I knew what she meant.”

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  1. bluebird of bitterness August 19, 2016 at 9:56 PM -

    This made me laugh out loud, but if I have R-rated nightmares tonight, it’s gonna be all your fault.

    • E. Williams August 19, 2016 at 10:14 PM

      As long as Anthony doesn’t pop up in them, you’re OK.

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