Inauguration Disrupters Vow to Win Every Staring Contest to Protest Trump

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WASHINGTON – Just days ahead of Donald Trump’s inauguration, many anti-Trump activist groups are making threats about how they plan to protest and disrupt this weekend’s ceremonies. Many protesters know they may face arrest, bodily injury, or worse. But they don’t care.

One of the most lethal tactics the protesters plan to employ is the staring contest. Thousands of members of activist organizations from Black Lives Matter to Planned Parenthood say they plan to launch a barrage of staring contests against police and other security personnel.

Pookie Brown Jr., a Black Lives Matter supporter from Cleveland, said he’s been honing his staring skills since the day after the election. “Man, I’ve been staring at myself in mirrors for hours at a time, challenging my homeboys to staring contests almost every day to build my stamina, and I got my Visine drops right here. You got’s to lubricate. Let’s do this sh*t.”

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Pookie, bringing his ‘A’ game.

Some groups are planning to tag-team their staring tactics, so that when one person’s eyes get tired or start to dry out, another steps up to relieve him. These protesters are very cunning and well organized.

Police chiefs from all over have admitted that it can be somewhat uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of a serious staring threat, but all law enforcement personnel have taken courses to learn how to handle the threat.

Those Trump supporters who plan on attending the inauguration activities are urged to keep an open eye out for potential staring contest troublemakers. And don’t blink, or you might miss ’em.

 

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