Melania Trump Reads ‘Twas the Manwhores Before Christmas

WASHINGTON – Carrying on the Christmas tradition of the sitting First Lady reading a Christmas poem to children, Melania Trump took over the job from Michelle Obama this year. Last year, Mrs. Obama recited her original Christmas tale ‘Twas No Hope Before Christmas,’ https://www.thebarbedwiresatire.com/michelle-obamas-twas-no-hope-christmas/. For 2017, Mrs. Trump read aloud her own Christmas poem, ‘Twas the Manwhores Before Christmas,’ an ode to the sexual predators who have lost their positions of power this year.

 

 ‘Twas the Manwhores Before Christmas

‘Twas the country’s first Christmas, with Trump in “The House”

Not an agent was stirring, the lights had been doused

His first year in office was handled with flair

Thank God the Obama’s no longer lived there

The staff were all resting, having taken their meds

But I couldn’t sleep so I sat up and read

And Donald on his Twitter, and I in MAGA cap

Thought I’d check out CNN, for their latest crap

 

When all of a sudden I heard chitter chatter

I calmly got out of bed, no need to go faster

Away to the window I walked like a model

Making sure to be quiet and not disturb Donald

The moon off my breasts must have given quite a show

To hateful reporters with binoculars below

When what to my piercing eyes should appear

But Democrats resigning, for putting hands on rears

 

A man with a woman I could see he was spankin’

And I knew in a moment it must be Al Franken

More rapid than Hillary going down in flames

He groped them and called out his victims by name

On Lindsay, on Leeann, on some chick on my staff

I can get away with anything if I just make ‘em laugh!

Despite the fact that he looks like an elf

Al should’ve known better, kept his hands to himself

'Twas

Try as he may to whine and deny

His hands on her boobs prove pictures don’t lie

Next, I saw old John Conyers waltz by

Prancing in underwear with, surprise, an open fly

With accusers all credible, and plenty of proof

Gone in a twinkling, their careers just went poof

They could stay and endure an ethics review

But then we’d hear details, Oh, my God! Ewwww!

 

It’s easy to see neither man was a gent

Never having learned the meaning of consent

Then I heard Conyers yell, “Yeah, but Roy Moore!”

Still, their yearbook attempt at forgery was poor

The next man appeared, looking just out of the shower

And I knew in a moment it must be Matt Lauer

A bag of sex toys was flung on his back

When he noticed I saw him, he said, “Hey, nice rack!”

 

The way they treat women sure takes lots of nerves

Have Democrats become one big party of pervs?

And there goes Mark Halperin, and Charlie Rose too

Bidding the Washington spotlight adieu

These men will spend this Christmas distraught

Still not believing they really got caught

When Clinton was Prez, Dems put morals on shelf

And I laughed at their misery, in spite of myself

 

They heard me giggle and gave me a smirk

I could tell just by looking, each one was a jerk

None of these guys are any kind of prize

Can’t imagine a woman wanting their hand on her thighs

I firmly believe there’s a place down in Hades

Reserved for the men who harass all these ladies

And they heard me exclaim, “Get out of my sight!”

“Good riddance to all, and enjoy Karma’s bite!”

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS from THE BARBED WIRE

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6 Thoughts to “Melania Trump Reads ‘Twas the Manwhores Before Christmas

  1. Kristen

    This piece is pure proof of your poetic prowess.

    I sit here in awe
    Of your talent so raw

    Wishing I could put words to whitespace like you
    It makes me sad I’m not a satirical guru

    I look for your essays in my email each day
    Without them, I’m lost, a wanderer astray

    So you keep ’em coming & I promise back
    To like ’em & share ’em & cause you no flack

    As you can tell by the above I’m much more of Dr. Seuss simpleton!

    1. E. Williams

      That’s pretty great yourself! I love it. I’ll try to keep ’em going. It seems to get tougher the more the crazy becomes the norm in this country. Merry Christmas, Kristen! And thanks!!!

  2. Funny, intelligent, AND a poet???? Watch it! You’re going to end up being Trump’s Poet Laureate!

    1. E. Williams

      Welcome to my twisted Christmas, buddy! lol

      1. Kristen

        LOL! “Twisted Christmas!” now there’s a good title for another poem or lyrics to a song specifically for “Disturbed!”

        1. E. Williams

          That’s a thought….

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