MSM to Use 4-Minute Cough Delay to Hide Hillary Illness From Voters

Producers from numerous outlets making up the mainstream media (MSM) have decided to use a 4-minute delay during broadcasts of appearances by Hillary Clinton, to shield their coveted low-information audience from learning about illnesses their candidate might have.

“We have to do all we can in our power to protect her image,” a CBS producer said. “This delay will allow us to cut away from a sudden coughing fit Mrs. Clinton might have, and we can always just blame technical difficulties. We’ll allow ourselves to look incompetent if that’s what it takes to get her elected.”

An white-haired anchor for MSNBC with the last name ‘Matthews,’ admitted, “What the voters don’t know won’t hurt them. And these coughing fits don’t look good. If Hillary doesn’t want to be honest with voters about her health, or any other topic for that matter, that’s her business. Our job as journalists in the MSM is to advance the progressive cause any way possible.”

MSM

In addition, CNN plans on airing a 3-hour medical documentary showing that trying to cough up a lung each day is actually quite normal, and proof that a person is in amazingly great physical shape. Anchor Don Lemon will host this very special episode.

NBC will not only institute the 4-minute delay, but will also air a special that delves into the twisted minds of conspiracy theorists who suggest the Clinton’s have ever been less than completely truthful about every single moment of their political lives.

In October, PBS will host a pledge drive to benefit the Clinton campaign. The vast majority of the proceeds will go to the family’s foundation, but 5% will be donated for coughing research.

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  1. Rich Hoffer September 7, 2016 at 7:32 AM -

    Somehow, judging by recent events, I think MSM better lay in for a LOT longer delay than that. Besides, don’t all broadcast facilities have a “cough” button? I may be showing my age when we actually were the talent and ran the board ourselves without the aid of producers and engineers, but I seem to remember that! Of course, that may elongate the debate and they may have to do something with the video as well…seeing as how a hacking Hillary achieves the seemingly impossible…and is less attractive than a normal Hillary! Just sayin’

    • E. Williams September 7, 2016 at 8:37 AM

      You are oh so wise, my friend. Because of your keen observation, I have updated the story to address her latest coughing fit. Thank you for pointing that out!!

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