Presidential Debate Postponed As Nation Mourns Beyoncé’s Bloody Ear

LAS VEGAS – The third and final presidential debate has been postponed for one week due to the tragedy that befell Michelle Obama’s daughter’s role model, Beyoncé, over the weekend. In a horrific accident the singer suffered while performing, an earring came out, causing her ear to bleed – onstage!

A big supporter of Hillary Clinton, Beyoncé “powered through” the pain to complete her performance, before seeking medical attention backstage.

Her fans immediately took to Twitter to post pictures of themselves bleeding from self-inflicted wounds, in support of their queen. President Obama ordered flags flown at half-staff until the singer’s ear starts to scab over, and the Federal Elections Commission (FEC) agreed that neither Donald Trump nor Hillary Clinton would be in any shape to debate after receiving the news.

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“We realize the nation can’t focus on bigger issues right now, not until we really know the extent of Beyoncé’s ear and whether it’s healing adequately,” an unidentified FEC spokesman said. Initially, doctors announced that they expected the singer to make a full recovery.

“I just can’t think about politics right now,” an agitated Kori Carpenter said. “I’ll never forget where I was when I heard the news. My friends and I have all been praying for her since it happened. But one of my friends, Becky, did tell me there was some kind of election coming up. They can hold an election anytime though.”

Beyoncé has been ordered to rest her ear and to stay away from headphones for at least two weeks. Hillary Clinton plans to sleep for the next week until the rescheduled debate takes place.

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2 Thoughts to “Presidential Debate Postponed As Nation Mourns Beyoncé’s Bloody Ear

  1. Why isn’t Beyonce running for president? She’s probably more qualified than the two idiots we’ve got running! And she’d most assuredly deliver the Millennial vote!!

    1. E. Williams

      She wants to be an ineffectual senator from New York first so she can pad her resume.

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