HELL – Recently dead cult leader Charles Manson is making himself right at home in Hell. When he walked through the burning entrance yesterday, he told the demons at the gate that he got there as fast as he could. “Got held up about 50 years in prison,” he said. Still, he’s off to a rocky start with his boss. Apparently, Charles walked in like he owned the place.
Satan claims that Manson sexually assaulted him as the two were posing for a selfie soon after Manson’s arrival. “That’s pretty brazen,” Satan remarked, “Even for Charlie. He and I go way back but, when I felt him squeeze my ass while we were trying to get the picture, I was like, dude, come on.”
“I mean, we don’t have a lot of rules here,” the Dark Lord continued, “But I still deserve some respect. Charlie gave me a run for my money when he was on Earth, but this is my hood. He’d better not pull that crap again with me.”
Manson insisted that sexually assaulting others is all the rage among the high and mighty back in America, but Satan told him to clean up his act anyway. “I was just looking for a little tail,” Chuck said.
“Yeah, well, try that again and I’ll show you how far I can shove my horns up your…” “Ok, ok, I got it,” Manson said. “Hands off, no problem.” “And wipe that stupid swastika off your forehead,” Satan demanded. “You’re not freaking anybody out with that thing here.”