Hallmark Channel Promises to “De-Whiten” Christmas Movies

Hallmark

Regardless of the subject, unless all races, sexes, nationalities, and religions are presented in proper proportions, the American left is going to lose their minds. This year they’ve targeted The Hallmark Channel, whining that their Christmas movies are “too white.” Obviously, this makes each movie unwatchable to anyone who’s not a white heterosexual. Titles such as Enchanted Christmas, Marry Me at Christmas, Christmas Getaway, A Gift to Remember, and The Mistletoe Inn are triggering social justice TV viewers because of their white, hetero cast of characters. Bowing to pressure, The Hallmark…

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Melania Trump Reads ‘Twas the Manwhores Before Christmas

WASHINGTON – Carrying on the Christmas tradition of the sitting First Lady reading a Christmas poem to children, Melania Trump took over the job from Michelle Obama this year. Last year, Mrs. Obama recited her original Christmas tale ‘Twas No Hope Before Christmas,’ http://www.thebarbedwiresatire.com/michelle-obamas-twas-no-hope-christmas/. For 2017, Mrs. Trump read aloud her own Christmas poem, ‘Twas the Manwhores Before Christmas,’ an ode to the sexual predators who have lost their positions of power this year.    ‘Twas the Manwhores Before Christmas ‘Twas the country’s first Christmas, with Trump in “The House” Not…

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Shoppers Enjoy Black EyeDay at Nation’s Retailers

shoppers

MERICA – The annual tradition of contact shopping is in full swing (no punch intended) today, as Americans celebrate the official opening of the Christmas shopping season with Black EyeDay. Countless shoppers will be pushed, elbowed, kicked, spit on, trampled and bloodied while attempting to score a cheap TV or free blender. Black EyeDay is the closest thing the country currently has to a Purge. It’s survival of the fittest once the doors fling open at stores the day after Thanksgiving, and psychologists say the day is essentially a way…

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Christmas 2016: The Year of the Revenge Gift

NORTH POLE – Santa has reported a huge surge in “revenge” gift giving this year, as liberals continue to be incapable of controlling their anger and bitterness following the crushing defeat of their Queen Hillary. To express their hatred toward family members who had the gall to vote for Donald Trump, many are planning to spite those they reluctantly have to call “family.” Disgruntled Democrats are making donations to organizations like Planned Parenthood, The Sierra Club, the DNC, and others, in a Trump-voting family member’s name. The crybabies believe they…

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Michelle Obama’s “‘Twas No Hope Before Christmas”

hopeless

WASHINGTON – First Lady Michelle Obama is feeling hopeless these days. Unless her husband is the president, Michelle believes there is no hope for America. She was proud of this once great nation while it footed the bill for her world travels. But now that her home girl Hillary has been sent packing, suddenly, this is what not having hope feels like (in her oh-so-humble opinion). Michelle recently shared her depressive state with a group of schoolchildren, when she read her very own version of the beloved Christmas poem, ‘Twas…

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