Alt-Left Media: “Why Didn’t Trump Provide Live Hurricane Coverage Himself?”

hurricane

NEW YORK – Members of the alt-left media are disgusted that President Trump didn’t volunteer to provide live coverage to the public as Hurricane Harvey made landfall Friday night. They said they would only be happy had the president put his own life in danger at the worst of the storm. As high winds and flooding rains slammed the Texas coast, CNN’s Don Lemon told viewers, “If the president really cared for Texans, he would have put himself in harm’s way to give them the most accurate reports of deteriorating…

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Anti-Trump Media Explain Charlottesville Violence in Pictures

VIRGINIA – If you’re one of those people who don’t watch CNN, MSNBC, PBS or any of the big network news shows, you might not know what really happened in Charlottesville last weekend. So, according to the media outlets named above, here is their take on the ‘one-sided’ violence, as explained with pictures of the event:             This is their version of events as they happened in Charlottesville, and the mainstream media is sticking to it. So, if you’re a Trump supporter, we’re sorry that…

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Bashing Trump, Democrat Ana Navarro Uses N-Word on CNN

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ATLANTA – CNN contributor Ana Navarro, a Democrat who calls herself a Republican, let her Trump rage get the best of her today when she used the “N-word” on air during a segment on the recent Charlottesville racial violence. It’s unclear at this time whether CNN will discipline Navarro for the incident. While criticizing President Trump’s public statements about the weekend violence between white supremacists and liberal supremacists, she called the president a “Nincompoop,” a clear microaggression designed to make Trump seem “less than human.” For host John Berman and…

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CNN Anchors Admit They Just Like Saying Words “Collusion,” “Dossier”

dossier

ATLANTA – Numerous CNN personalities have admitted off-camera that they understand there is really no evidence of cooperation between Russia and the Trump campaign during the 2016 election cycle. They just really like saying the words “collusion” and “dossier” (doss-i-eh). Alisyn Camerota explained, “I especially like the word ‘dossier.’ It makes me feel European and sophisticated. I even feel like I should be sticking my pinky finger out when I pronounce it! To be honest, I don’t even know what it means, but I read what they put on the…

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Media On Edge After Seeing Trump’s CNN Body Slam Video

NEW YORK – President Trump shocked members of the media everywhere today, when he released a parody video showing The Prez body slamming a person representing CNN to the ground at a WWE event. It should be pointed out that most members of the media don’t have a sense of humor. So, of course, they miss the joke and believe Trump is inciting violence against their profession. Below is the released video, followed by comments made by various skittish journalists: From CNN – Jim Acosta – “Was that me he…

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CNN Viewers Confused: “Is Russia Story BS or a Big Nothing-Burger?”

nothing-burger

ATLANTA – CNN is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. And their viewers are too. Undercover videos, released by Project Veritas this week, have shown a CNN producer calling the Trump/Russia story “bullsh*t.” Meanwhile, network contributor Van Jones calls the story “just a big nothing-burger.” CNN’s viewers are left scratching their heads. “Well, which is it?” viewer Brett Kaufman asked. “If the next person comes out and says ‘there’s no there, there,’ I’m going to kick somebody’s can down the road. I won’t know what the hell…

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Three Little Pigs at CNN Lose Jobs Trying to Destroy Big Bad Trump

pigs

ATLANTA – Three little pigs who work at CNN have destroyed their own careers while trying to destroy the big bad wolf, President Trump. The arrogant pigs had to resign in disgrace after getting busted for manufacturing bogus stories about the wolf. The first little CNN pig built his stories out of clickbait. He didn’t care if the article was far-fetched, as long as viewers got fooled into clicking on the link. If he could get them to do that, there was a chance they might believe the lie he…

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Anderson Cooper Pleasures Self During Kellyanne Conway Interview

ATLANTA – CNN has been reviewing tape after anchorman Anderson Cooper was caught pleasuring himself in the middle of an on-air interview with Trump counselor Kellyanne Conway. Cooper tried to be discreet about his (under the desk) activities, even holding his expressions of ecstasy until Conway looked down at her notes so she wouldn’t notice. CNN’s medical expert, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, was alerted by producers and expressed his concern. “When I saw the tape of the interview, I was worried that Anderson may have had a seizure or suffered a…

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CNN Reports On Day 1 of CPAC: Ovens, Sacrifices, and Canned Hunts

MARYLAND – After the first day of big-name conservative speakers, and an extremely enthusiastic audience, the CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) is off to a scary start. In case you missed it, CNN has released their report on the event based on accounts provided by network reporters who attended the conference. “The annual convention of conservatives got underway today, with festivities that turned out to be every bit as horrifying as many had feared. Kellyanne Conway spoke to the crowd in the morning, sending chills through the conference as she…

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