Trump To Ring In 2019 When Chuck Schumer’s Glasses Drop

TIMES SQUARE – Preparations are being made here to use the traditional New Year’s Eve crystal ball drop to ring in 2019 if Chuck Schumer’s glasses fail to drop off his nose by midnight on the 31st. However, President Trump decreed that the new year does not officially begin until Schumer’s glasses fall completely off his face. Washington insiders can gauge the state of their Democratic party at any given time, based solely on the position of the Senate Minority leader’s glasses on his nose. As Schumer becomes more insane…

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Tricky Dicky Durbin Warns of Possible Government S***down

Durbin

WASHINGTON – Admitting he doesn’t like using the 4-letter word “sh*t,” Senator Tricky Dicky Durbin said today that he thinks the country is headed for a government s***down this weekend. Durbin is the senator who famously unleashed a s***storm of controversy over supposed s***hole comments made by President Trump in a meeting last week. “With all the s*** going on at the moment – this DACA s***, amnesty, that s*** about a wall, chain migration – I just don’t see how both sides are going to come together in agreement…

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