Hillary Hurt Again After Falling Down Most Powerful Women’s List

powerful

NEW YORK – Forbes magazine has published their latest list of the world’s most powerful women, and it saw the once invincible Hillary Clinton tumble and hurt herself again. Mrs. Clinton, the most accident prone candidate in modern political history, of course, had her own version of what caused her to crash and burn. “I was skateboarding down the banister while slamming down my third frappuccino,” Clinton explained, “When one of my wheels slid off the rails and I fell a long way down. I had been near the top…

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Colin Kaepernick: The Hillary Clinton of the Football World

NEW YORK CITY – Disgruntled kneeler, Colin Kaepernick, has become the Hillary Clinton of the National Football League. The former quarterback, just like Hillary, is on the outside looking in as the world goes on spinning without a care about them. Now, Colin is filing a grievance against NFL team owners for colluding to keep him out of football. Apparently, the team owners are the Russians, working behind the scenes to keep him off the playing field. Kaepernick is definitely working right out of Hillary’s playbook. Jerry Jones, owner of…

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Hillary Clinton Reveals How Hard Harvey Weinstein Pervert Revelations Hit Her

Harvey

NEW YORK – NO one was more shocked by the recent sexual abuse revelations about movie producer Harvey Weinstein than one of his best friends, Hillary Clinton. Because how well can you really know a best friend, right? But Hillary claims she was jolted by the story and described the impact the news had on her: “I was shocked and appalled by these sexual predator stories,” Clinton said. “I had no idea. When I heard the news, only learning of it for the first time through the media, just like…

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Hillary ‘Silence Her’ Clinton Weaponizes Stupidity With Gun Silencer Tweet

LAS VEGAS – Firearms expert and former presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, may have stumbled upon the best slogan that anybody could come up for her. Forget ‘I’m With Her.’ After her comments regarding gun silencers, Clinton’s new moniker should be ‘Silence Her.’ In the hours immediately following the mass shooting tragedy in Las Vegas, Hillary pointed out that people ran when they heard gunshots. “Imagine how many more deaths if the shooter had a silencer,” she tweeted. Clinton clearly does not have a permit to use her stupidity in public…

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Gitmo Detainees Forced to Listen to Hillary’s What Happened Audiobook

audiobook

CUBA – Various torture techniques have become controversial over the years for prisoners incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay’s (Gitmo) famous prison. Waterboarding, electric shock and other methods have been criticized for being inhumane. As of today, President Trump has authorized what many feel could be the most sinister torture method ever used at the facility. All prisoners, regardless of their crimes, will have to endure listening to Hillary Clinton recite her endless list of excuses for losing the 2016 election from the audiobook version of her latest literary flop, What Happened.…

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Hillary Clinton Looking Like a Turtle On Book Tour Interviews

NEW YORK – In her first interview for her new book tour, Hillary Clinton looked like an old turtle craning its neck out of its shell as she spewed out more excuses for losing last year’s election to President Trump. Her new book, What the Hell Happened?, will likely move very slowly on the book charts after it’s released this month. She also admitted that despite the pain from her loss, she’s got a tough shell. Clinton munched on raw lettuce, strawberries and carrot pieces throughout the interview. And there were…

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Hillary Clinton’s New Book to be Titled “Sh*t Happened”

NEW YORK CITY – Hillary Clinton has a new book, coming out in September, in which she claims she will detail what happened that caused her to lose the election to Donald Trump. The title of the upcoming Simon & Schuster release is Sh*t Happened. The publishing firm has also released a list of other possible titles that were submitted by Clinton and her team regarding the 2016 campaign: Close, But No Cigar Huma I Kidding? Diary of a 2-Time Loser Hillary Clinton – Life of a Chronic Blamer Why…

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Hillary Clinton Still Wandering Aimlessly Through the Five Stages of Loss

NEW YORK – Still denying reality, two-time presidential loser Hillary Clinton is mired in the stages of grief and loss, nearly seven months after her defeat to President Trump. Because she refuses to admit that she herself was the reason she lost, she continues to wander aimlessly in the political world. Hillary has her own unique five stages to work through. These stages of loss are 1) denial, 2) making excuses, 3) making more excuses, 4) realizing you suck, and 5) admitting you’re no good at whatever it was you were doing that you lost.…

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Hillary Uses Her New Throat Lozenge During Alma Mater’s Coughmencement Speech

WELLESLEY COLLEGE – Hillary Clinton delivered the commencement speech at her alma mater this week. However, during what can be called her “coughmencement” address, she started hacking away like she did numerous times on the campaign trail in 2016. During this coughing fit, she pulled out a throat lozenge and popped it in her mouth. What she didn’t tell anyone is that she has had a special cough drop made just for her. “The two things I’m best known for is lying and having coughing fits at inopportune times,” the…

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Hillary Appoints Self “President of the United Woods of Chappaqua”

NEW YORK – Trying to hang on to some shred of relevancy, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has finally triumphed in her bid to be president of something. She announced today that she is now the “President of the United Woods of Chappaqua.” Hillary out-campaigned a beaver, a gray fox, and a young, upstart muskrat to win the title. She will now serve as the supreme ruler over all wildlife in the forests around the hamlet of Chappaqua. Mrs. Clinton took nothing for granted this time around, and is taking…

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