World’s Top Witches Cast Spell on Trump and His Supporters

EASTWICK, RI – Friday night at midnight, some of the world’s leading witches gathered to cast a spell against President Donald Trump AND all of his supporters. They chanted and asked the dark forces they worship to banish Trump from office, and punish his supporters. The witches were lead by Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Ashley Judd, Gloria Steinem, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Elizabeth Warren. They asked for other witches to join them around the world in their quest to overturn the results of the last election. And to make sure…

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Clintons to Open New All-Inclusive Resorts Called ‘Scandals’

LITTLE SAINT JAMES – What do you do if your last name is Clinton and you don’t have anything to do now that the election is over? You open a chain of Caribbean, luxury resorts called “Scandals,” of course. You didn’t think they were just going to sit on all that campaign slush money from the Clinton Foundation, did you? The site of the first Scandals will be located on Clinton pedophile friend Jeffrey Epstein’s Caribbean island called Little Saint James, also known as “Orgy Island.” There, guests will be…

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Pantsuit Industry Decimated in Wake of Hillary Loss

CHICAGO – Just as factories were set to launch new designs and fill orders for pantsuits from coast to coast, Hillary Clinton’s loss in the presidential race has shattered an entire industry. Hopes to mainstream the same gaudy garb worn by Hillary have vanished overnight. South Side Textiles, based out of Hillary’s hometown of Chicago, was shell-shocked by Clinton’s upset loss. “We thought this was in the bag. That’s why we spent millions this year on new equipment and hiring additional workers. Now, we have to lay off thousands,” Nick…

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Presidential Debate Postponed As Nation Mourns Beyoncé’s Bloody Ear

LAS VEGAS – The third and final presidential debate has been postponed for one week due to the tragedy that befell Michelle Obama’s daughter’s role model, Beyoncé, over the weekend. In a horrific accident the singer suffered while performing, an earring came out, causing her ear to bleed – onstage! A big supporter of Hillary Clinton, Beyoncé “powered through” the pain to complete her performance, before seeking medical attention backstage. Her fans immediately took to Twitter to post pictures of themselves bleeding from self-inflicted wounds, in support of their queen.…

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Hillary Clinton Wonders: “Where Were Slain Police Officers’ Security Details?”

BATON ROUGE (The Barbed Wire) – Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton waited 7 hours to release her statement on the killings of 3 police officers in this city at the hands of a racist, former Nation of Islam and Black Lives Matter coward, and the reason for the delay was her apparent confusion over how this could happen in 2016. Besides needing to run her statement by a couple of focus groups before publicly releasing her thoughts, Mrs. Clinton wondered why the slain officers both here, and in Dallas a couple…

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