Harvey Weinstein Financing Sci-Fi Movie “Alien vs. Sexual Predator”

Weinstein

HOLLYWOOD – Known in Tinseltown as “the biggest elephant in the room,” movie mogul Harvey Weinstein has announced that he is personally financing his next project. The latest installment in the Alien saga, Alien vs. Sexual Predator, will also be written by Weinstein himself. “I would love to play the sexual predator role myself,” Harvey told us. “I don’t want to give everything away, but I’m envisioning a crew of really hot, female astronauts who find themselves in an unfamiliar world where they’re being hunted by a sexual predator, and…

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Democrats Demand Trump Start Paying Rent For Living In Their Heads

WASHINGTON – President Trump has been living rent-free in the heads of tens of millions of Democrats for well over a year now, and many are finally saying “enough is enough.” They now want reparations. “As the party of freeloaders, it pains me to say this,” a disturbed Senate Minority leader Chuck Schumer said on Saturday, “But if he’s going to live here 24/7, he needs to pay up.” Schumer was unsure when asked what he thought a fair price for head-space rental might be. Socialist Bernie Sanders admitted, “I…

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Study: More Efficient for Celebs to Flush Cash Than Donate to Democrats

flush

LOS ANGELES – A new study confirms it is more efficient for Hollywood elites to flush their political donations straight down the toilet, rather than donate to the Democratic party in an attempt to buy seats in Congress. While celebrities view their outside donations as an investment for their warped ideals, the study says there is at least some entertainment value in watching cash circle the toilet until it disappears. In contrast, there is no joy in giving millions of dollars away, only to watch your candidate go down in…

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Georgia Democrat Jerkoff Needs More Money to Lose Runoff in June

GEORGIA – It’s being called the “Jerkoff Runoff,” the race for Georgia’s 6th district, in which Democrats had high hopes that a fresh, young pajama boy could take over a seat recently vacated by a Republican. Hollywood poured millions in out-of-state money into the race, hoping to buy the seat for Jon Jerkoff, a 30 year-old pajama boy, who is supported by his girlfriend. But Hollywood’s millions failed to lift Jerkoff above the 50% threshold needed to avoid a runoff against a Republican woman in June. So, Jerkoff needs more…

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Hollywhat? Liberal Meltdowns Will Entertain Americans For Years

HOLLYWOOD – As box office sales fall, and more Americans are staying home to watch TV, Hollywood is worrying what they can do to put cheeks in the seats in theaters nationwide. They can start by telling their entertainers to stop their political preaching to the public. Buuuuuuut….that’s not going to happen. So, as more and more former moviegoers make the choice to stop paying the super-rich, misguided crybabies their hard-earned money, a new star has emerged to entertain the rest of us. Enter the anti-Trump liberal meltdowns. In the…

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2017 Golden Globes ‘After’ Pity Party Was Off the Hook!

HOLLY-WOE-IS-ME – At the 2017 Golden Globes Awards show, Meryl Streep gave the performance of a lifetime when she played Debbie Downer to great acclaim from the downtrodden audience. Most sat terrified, frozen in fear over the reality of an inevitable Trump administration. But the real fun came at the Globes’ ‘after’ pity parties. After what nearly all of the celebrities thought would be the happiest GG ceremony of their make-believe lives, celebrating the coming four years of a Hillary presidency, the low energy continued well into the early morning…

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