MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Temporarily Paralyzed From Waist Down

WASHINGTON – Right around noon today, MSNBC commentator Chris Matthews lost all sensation in his lower body. Doctors who examined him this afternoon said Matthews is a little freaked out about the sudden paralysis, but they believe he should regain feeling in his legs slowly over the next few months. “It’s been well documented that Chris contracted a neurological disorder when President Obama won his election back in 2008. The tingling sensation he experienced when Mr. Obama appeared on TV, or made a speech, has been ongoing since then and…

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Young Boy Disses Obama on Last Night, Shouting “Screw Our President!” on Live TV

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WASHINGTON – As if President Obama didn’t feel lousy enough having to give up the presidency on Friday, a little racist white boy poured lighter fluid on Barack’s emotions by shouting “Screw our President!” while being interviewed on live TV. The interview took place at a protest for people who don’t know how to handle their emotions after November’s election. The little punk said he had just started a fire in the street “because he felt like it.” Obviously, his folks must have won the Parent of the Year award…

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Inauguration Disrupters Vow to Win Every Staring Contest to Protest Trump

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WASHINGTON – Just days ahead of Donald Trump’s inauguration, many anti-Trump activist groups are making threats about how they plan to protest and disrupt this weekend’s ceremonies. Many protesters know they may face arrest, bodily injury, or worse. But they don’t care. One of the most lethal tactics the protesters plan to employ is the staring contest. Thousands of members of activist organizations from Black Lives Matter to Planned Parenthood say they plan to launch a barrage of staring contests against police and other security personnel. Pookie Brown Jr., a…

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Liberals Turn to “Alexa” For Answers on Stopping Trump Inauguration

LOS ANGELES – Snowflake college students and Hollywood elites have so far come up empty in their attempts to stop next week’s inauguration. Now, they’re turning to their last resort as a way to stop Donald Trump from ever becoming our 45th President. Recounts, Hollywood celebrity videos, threats to riot, and even Rosie O’Donnell calling for martial law to be implemented, have not worked. The responsibility now lies with the wisdom of Amazon Echo’s “Alexa” to come up with a workable plan. Students, celebrities, and Democrats across the country have…

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