Alt-Left Media: “Why Didn’t Trump Provide Live Hurricane Coverage Himself?”

hurricane

NEW YORK – Members of the alt-left media are disgusted that President Trump didn’t volunteer to provide live coverage to the public as Hurricane Harvey made landfall Friday night. They said they would only be happy had the president put his own life in danger at the worst of the storm. As high winds and flooding rains slammed the Texas coast, CNN’s Don Lemon told viewers, “If the president really cared for Texans, he would have put himself in harm’s way to give them the most accurate reports of deteriorating…

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March For Life Leaves Media Appalled at Lack of Looting, Arrests

WASHINGTON – The mainstream media complex is disgusted and appalled by the public display of civility, respect, and good manners shown at this week’s March For Life rally held this week. So far, there have been no arrests made of any of the well-behaved protesters. NBC’s Chuck Todd reported last night, “There has been no violence, profanity, or looting by any of these protesters at the March For Life! They call that a rally? What the hell’s wrong with these people. They’re behaving like a bunch of lunatic Nazis!!” According…

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Polls: Hillary/Trump Locked in Satirical Tie

AUSTIN – Pollsters at the University of Texas say that a compilation of polls from across the country show Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump locked in a satirical tie for the presidency. Results showed Clinton with a 45% – 43% lead, with 12% completely unaware there is even an election in less than two weeks. Margin of humor is plus/minus 3%, so the race is a satirical tie. Voters across all demographics admit that the thought of either candidate actually becoming an American president is highly ironic and twisted –…

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Trump Proposing Term Limits For Members of Media

term

VIRGINIA – Donald Trump announced his top priorities for his first 100 days in office, if elected, and term limits for members of the media was high on his list. Let’s face it….the media has done such a bad job, and for so many years, that becoming a used car salesman has become a noble profession compared to journalism. Trump is proposing media regulations that would cap a news anchor’s career at 10 years. Most employees who work for any mainstream media corporation, whether it be digital, print, or TV…

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Hillary’s New Plane ‘Cough Drop One’ Boasts Media, No Parachutes

cough drop one

CLEVELAND – Hillary Clinton showed off her new campaign plane today, a Boeing 737 that is decked out with one of her campaign slogans on the sides. The plane is being used so members of the media can travel with her. This allows her to pretend she’s giving the press access to her, while still being able to control their environment. Mrs. Clinton christened the plane ‘Cough Drop One’ on it’s maiden voyage, when she broke into her second coughing fit of the day. She had only taken 4-5 questions…

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NY Post Promises Not to Publish Naked Pics of Bill Clinton’s Wife

NEW YORK – A few Americans were shocked at the photos of a naked Melania Trump, Donald Trump’s wife, on the front page of the NY Post yesterday. Thankfully, the paper has promised ALL Americans that they will not be subjected to having to see naked pictures of Bill Clinton’s wife. In that regard, America has dodged a bullet. For revenue reasons, the Post decided to publish racy photos of a 25 year-old Melania, from a photo spread she did for a French magazine. The pictures have ensured Donald Trump…

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