Harvey Weinstein Financing Sci-Fi Movie “Alien vs. Sexual Predator”

Weinstein

HOLLYWOOD – Known in Tinseltown as “the biggest elephant in the room,” movie mogul Harvey Weinstein has announced that he is personally financing his next project. The latest installment in the Alien saga, Alien vs. Sexual Predator, will also be written by Weinstein himself. “I would love to play the sexual predator role myself,” Harvey told us. “I don’t want to give everything away, but I’m envisioning a crew of really hot, female astronauts who find themselves in an unfamiliar world where they’re being hunted by a sexual predator, and…

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Jennifer Lawrence’s “Mother!” Bombs So Badly Sequel Already Announced

HOLLYWOOD – Paramount Pictures has announced the Jennifer Lawrence (J.Law) movie mother! (stylized with a lower-case m) has performed so poorly at the box office that the studio just has to make another one. The sequel, tentatively scheduled for a 2019 release date, will be titled mother! f*cker! The sequel title is a nod to the reactions of both Paramount executives and Lawrence when they saw opening weekend numbers for the flop. For Lawrence, the blame for the dismal attendance to the movie can be pinned on one person – President Trump.…

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Al Gore’s Latest Dire Predictions to Promote New Climate Movie

LOS ANGELES – In an effort to drum up curiosity for his An Inconvenient Truth sequel, self-appointed climate expert Al Gore gave an audience his latest predictions for our world over the next 5 years – if climate change does not immediately become the #1 priority for every nation on Earth. “I’m not trying to scare you just to scare you,” Gore told a crowd at a recent climate conference here. “In my Inconvenient Truth sequel, you’ll realize that I should have made the movie Waterworld instead. If we don’t…

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Feminists Angry “Wonder Woman” Not Like Them, Want “Wonder Bitch” Movie

HOLLYWOOD – They’ve got their knives out again. Feminists, led by Gloria Steinem and her Ms. Magazine, are upset that the latest Wonder Woman character currently ruling the box office is not more like them. They want “Wonder Bitch” to hit the big screen. “It’s just not realistic to my mind,” a Ms. Magazine writer said. “This Wonder Woman is beautiful, has perfect hair, a perfect body. She’s a badass, but also lets her emotions enter into her decisions. Emotions like love. There’s already too much love in this world.…

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Susan Rice to Star in Upcoming Al Gore Film “An Inconvenient Sleuth”

sleuth

WASHINGTON – Now that her cover has been blown, former Obama partner in crime, Susan Rice is headed for the big screen. Al Gore, the creator of climate change scam films “An Inconvenient Truth” and a soon to be released sequel, has hired Rice to be the lead in his next film, “An Inconvenient Sleuth.” Rice has apparently fancied herself a stealthy detective during her time in the Obama administration, sticking her nose into places within the intelligence community where it doesn’t belong. It’s come to light this week that…

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Attorney General Sessions’ Russian Bombshell: “I Enjoyed Rocky IV”

Russian

WASHINGTON – In a bombshell report by the press wizards at CNN, audio has been uncovered showing just how deep the connection is between Attorney General Jeff Sessions and his involvement with Russia. In a 1990 interview, Sessions admitted he was a fan of Rocky IV. “I enjoyed Rocky IV and the epic battle between the Italian Stallion and Ivan Drago, the Russian fighting machine,” Sessions told a reporter. “The way Rocky pulled off a ‘David vs. Goliath’ win, during those Cold War days, was just what America needed at…

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Pokemon GAL Hits Market for Adult Gamers

Pokemon Go fever has swept the nation, and it’s more than a little embarrassing. A game that was meant to be enjoyed by children and teens, Pokemon Go is now being played by millions of 30+ aged men who should know better. The game sends players out into the wild world in search of make believe creatures. Lovers of the game say it is great because it’s getting kids off the couch and learning to walk outdoors again. Sweet! But what about those older dudes people have seen chasing the little virtual…

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