MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell Hates Hammer Time, Hip Hop Music

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NEW YORK – MSNBC anchor Lawrence O’Donnell turned into The Hulk during commercial breaks of his show this week, due to MC Hammer showing up in the studio next door for a performance. Reportedly, O’Donnell was angry about MC not agreeing to appear on his show that night. The seemingly mild-mannered Lawrence was asked whether he hates all hip hop music, or just MC Hammer and his songs. He answered, “Son of a b*tch, that music *#%$* @*!!*&!, ^^#*%& and that +^$$#* @!&%$$ MC &%(**$@*!!!.” Here is a video clip…

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Alt-Left Media: “Why Didn’t Trump Provide Live Hurricane Coverage Himself?”

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NEW YORK – Members of the alt-left media are disgusted that President Trump didn’t volunteer to provide live coverage to the public as Hurricane Harvey made landfall Friday night. They said they would only be happy had the president put his own life in danger at the worst of the storm. As high winds and flooding rains slammed the Texas coast, CNN’s Don Lemon told viewers, “If the president really cared for Texans, he would have put himself in harm’s way to give them the most accurate reports of deteriorating…

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Tests on Lab Rats Show Detrimental Effects of Joe Scarborough’s Music

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NEW YORK – In case you missed it – lucky you – MSNBC’s former-Republican talk show host, Joe Scarborough, has decided to punish the world by releasing a music video for a song about President Trump. The song is called Mystified, and you will be as well. To prove just how terrible, lame, and sucktastic Joe’s foray into the music world is, a group of lab rats were subjected to the sights and sounds of his video. The results were as dramatic and nauseating as you might have guessed. Of the…

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MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Appalled by Trump/Putin Manspreading Display

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NEW YORK – Everyone is in agreement that “manspreading” is the biggest challenge facing mankind, probably since the centuries-old problem of not being able to find men’s dress shirts that look good untucked. Thank God, the owner of UNTUCKit has alleviated the latter. So it was no surprise that MSNBC host Chris Matthews couldn’t get past what he saw during this week’s G20 summit meeting between President Trump and Russia’s President Putin. Matthews felt the need to “mansplain” the incident: “See how both men are spreading their legs open, as…

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Trump Charges Joe and Mika Fee for Letting World Know They Have a Show

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NEW YORK – If you host a cable show, but nobody watches it, does the show really exist? This is the predicament faced by MSNBC morning hosts “Psycho” Joe Scarborough and his snooty fiance, “Crazy” Mika Brezschgretsky, or something. If you don’t know who they are, you’re not alone. Psycho Joe and Crazy Mika have been annoying a very limited cable audience for years on a show called Morning Psycho Joe. After non-stop badgering of President Trump from the wannabe power couple, the president dropped a few MOAB tweets about them that…

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MSNBC’s Rachel’s MadNow to Write Book on ‘Virtues of Smugness’

NEW YORK – MSNBC anchor Rachel Maddow, alias Rachel’s MadNow, alias Harry Potter, blew the Trump tax return scandal wide open this week when he/she revealed secret info about the President’s 2005 returns. Secret info that was so unknown that the Wall Street Journal and others had reported it over a year ago. Rachel was very proud of itself. He/she promoted itself on Twitter to drum up ratings before its nightly show, and some speculate the incident was all part of MadNow’s scheme to get publicity for its new book,…

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Mainstream Media Trying to Pick Up Pieces After Trump Thrashing

ATLANTA – In mainstream media offices across the country, numerous so-called “journalists” were dealing with the after effects of the bolt of lightning known as the Trump press conference that hit them all yesterday. Damage was widespread. At CNN: Jake Tapper, Wolf Blitzer and Don Lemon have started wearing rubber diapers because they pee themselves every time Donald Trump opens his mouth now. Reporter Jim Acosta is being evaluated for rabies after being seen foaming at the mouth following his smack down in front of the world yesterday. At MSNBC:…

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MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Temporarily Paralyzed From Waist Down

WASHINGTON – Right around noon today, MSNBC commentator Chris Matthews lost all sensation in his lower body. Doctors who examined him this afternoon said Matthews is a little freaked out about the sudden paralysis, but they believe he should regain feeling in his legs slowly over the next few months. “It’s been well documented that Chris contracted a neurological disorder when President Obama won his election back in 2008. The tingling sensation he experienced when Mr. Obama appeared on TV, or made a speech, has been ongoing since then and…

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Mainstream Media: “WikiLeaks? Never Heard of It”

ATLANTA – Members of the mainstream media (MSM) admitted yesterday they have no idea what “WikiLeaks” is. They say that unless WikiLeaks is a clearinghouse for women who claim that Donald Trump groped them 20 years ago, they’re not interested. Clinton News Network president Jeff Zucker explained it this way: “We’ve got Ken Bone to report on, the ongoing investigation into the Kim Kardashian robbery, Colin Kaepernick getting to start for San Francisco, not to mention getting Hillary into the White House by any means necessary.” David Rhodes, president of…

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