Colin Kaepernick: The Hillary Clinton of the Football World

NEW YORK CITY – Disgruntled kneeler, Colin Kaepernick, has become the Hillary Clinton of the National Football League. The former quarterback, just like Hillary, is on the outside looking in as the world goes on spinning without a care about them. Now, Colin is filing a grievance against NFL team owners for colluding to keep him out of football. Apparently, the team owners are the Russians, working behind the scenes to keep him off the playing field. Kaepernick is definitely working right out of Hillary’s playbook. Jerry Jones, owner of…

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Maxine Waters Says ‘Impeach 45’ Chant Was Reference to Trump’s Jersey Number

WASHINGTON – Football and politics have become insanely intertwined recently. Between all the kneel downs, put downs, first downs and race clowns, America is getting confused about what the protests from NFL players are really all about. Leave it to congresswoman Maxine Waters to clarify things for us. Waters has become known for screeching the chant “Impeach 45! Impeach 45!” at all of her speeches, directed at President Trump. But Aunt Maxie, whose antenna doesn’t pick up very many channels, if you know what we mean, is usually off the…

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Michael Moore Kneels in NFL Solidarity, 4.6 Quake Hits Michigan

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MICHIGAN – Showing his solidarity with NFL social justice players, filmmaker Michael Moore took a knee today to join in protest over the national anthem controversy. Just after Moore took a knee, seismologists at the University of Michigan reported a rare 4.6 magnitude earthquake in the state. While the epicenter was determined to be in the Flint area, the quake was felt as far away as Fort Wayne, Indiana, Akron, Ohio and Houghton Lake in northern Michigan. And while Moore’s kneel down may have affected the most people, he wasn’t…

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Black Lives Matter Vandalism, Kaepernick Having No Effect on Black Shootings

WASHINGTON – According to a groundbreaking new study released today by the government agency assigned to handling statistics on crime in America, vandalism by members of the Black Lives Matter movement, along with the NFL’s Colin Kaeperdick’s kneeling during the national anthem movement, blacks continue to be killed at the same rate as before said protests. Louie Papale, spokesman for the Department of Meaningless Protests (DoMP), seemed surprised by the findings. “It was not what we expected at all. You would think that an athlete refusing to stand, or even…

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49ers QB Kaepernick Explains Why He Refuses to Stand for National Anthem

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SAN FRANCISCO – San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick is facing criticism from American sports fans after he refused to stand for the national anthem before a preseason NFL game. Despite the controversy he’s caused himself, Kaepernick says he believes he’s doing the right thing and will continue to sit for the anthem going forward. However, Colin has now clarified his reason for refusing to stand. “I wanted to bring attention to what a humongous asshole I am. We’re talking world-class douchebag here. I’ve made more money playing a game…

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