Kim Tells North Koreans Trump Stood Him Up

PINGPONG – Like a chubby kid whose prom date never showed, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un dejectedly announced to his people today that he had been stood up by the American president. President Trump said today that he’ll be a no-show at the planned get-together between the two leaders on June 12 in Singapore. “Did he get a better offer?” Kim asked, speaking through tears. A trusted general in Kim’s inner circle leaned over and said, “Maybe he’s just not that into you, Mr. Chairman…” Kim immediately had the general…

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CNN: Stormy Daniels Secures Release of 3 NoKo Hostages

hostages

THIS IS CNN – In the early morning hours, as President Trump welcomed home three American hostages who had been held captive in North Korea, CNN cut to the chase and presented the facts of their negotiated release as it exists in the CNN newsroom. “We’re pleased to report that it was in fact Stormy Daniels who – having flown to North Korea on a plane that crashed in the sea – escaped injury, soldiered on to Pyongyang, and secured the freedom of these three captive Americans. CNN will have…

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Most Women Still Insist Size of Nuclear Button Matters

WASHINGTON – President Trump upped the ante yesterday in the escalating nuclear war of words between the United States and North Korea. After NK’s leader Kim Jong-un bragged about his nuclear button, President Trump reminded the world that his nuclear button is bigger – and works better – than Kim’s. Critics of President Trump aren’t happy with his ‘size’ statements, saying that when it comes to nuclear weapons, size doesn’t matter. That as long as you can get the job done, that’s all that matters. However, a majority of American…

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Obama’s North Korea Advice: “Just Wait for Kim to Die Someday”

SOUTH KOREA – Former president Barack Obama is still under the false assumption that anybody actually give’s a rip what he thinks about anything. But that’s never stopped him before. While meeting with South Korea’s leader last week, Obama took the opportunity to trash President Trump, apologize for America being responsible for all evil in the world, and give his advice for how to handle the current North Korean nuclear threat. “Well, if I were still in office, I wouldn’t do a thing. That was always my modus operandi, unless…

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North Korea Unveils Newest Rocket, Tests Planned

PINGPONG, N KOREA – Try as they might, North Korea hasn’t had much luck with their rocket launches lately. They’d like to impress their enemies by showing off the nation’s military might, but tests have so far been less than intimidating. The country’s leader, Kim Jong-un, is proud to now show off his newest and best rocket. Called the “Hot Rocket 1970,” the structure towers four stories high. Kim says the name comes from the fact that parts of the rocket get very hot in the sun. “Our prototype had…

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North Korea Set to Test “Redheaded Stepchild of All Bombs”

PING PONG, N. KOREA – The United States today dropped what they are calling “the mother of all bombs” on ISIS targets in Afghanistan. Russia has an arsenal of massive bombs they refer to as “the father of all bombs.” Now, North Korea is set to test what is being called “the redheaded stepchild of all bombs” to show its own military might. The “redheaded stepchild bomb” gets no respect in the ordnance industry, or from other countries. North Korea’s leader, the crazy fat kid, gets no respect from other…

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Trump Sending B-52’s To South Korea

SEOUL – With North Korea’s crazy little boy leader flexing his military muscle recently by launching missiles toward Japan, the United States is sending in the big guns to show support for our allies in the region. President Trump has ordered rock group The B-52’s to South Korea immediately. “I just want them to Roam around near the demilitarized zone, along the Korean border,” Trump stated. “Kim Jong-un will be plenty nervous once he sees our B-52’s positioned so close to his country. That, I can assure you.” B-52 Fred…

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