Bradley Manning’s Alter-Ego to Run for US Senate in Maryland

BALTIMORE – The boy named Chelsea/Bradley Manning, who was jailed for stealing classified government documents, before being given a get-out-of-jail-free card by Barack Obama, has filed paperwork to enter and lose the race for a U.S. senate seat in Maryland. Bradley, who pretends to live as a woman, said that if he wins the senate seat in November, he may decide to become a congressman instead. “I might decide to switch.” He plans to run as a Democrat, of course. Manning believes his experience in stealing classified information will be…

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Dems Outraged Trump UN Speech Contained No Bowing, Apologies

NEW YORK – Hospitals nationwide reported a surge in hyperventilation cases being presented by progressives and democrats after President Trump referred to North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un as “Rocket Man.” But they were upset by so much more. The following are some of the criticisms voiced by various pundits and Democrats immediately following the president’s address to the United Nations today: 17 year-old former White House spokesboy Josh Earnest – “The president’s speech was foolish, incoherent, and very unObama-like.” CNN contributor David Gergen – “I didn’t see a single bow…

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Obama’s North Korea Advice: “Just Wait for Kim to Die Someday”

SOUTH KOREA – Former president Barack Obama is still under the false assumption that anybody actually give’s a rip what he thinks about anything. But that’s never stopped him before. While meeting with South Korea’s leader last week, Obama took the opportunity to trash President Trump, apologize for America being responsible for all evil in the world, and give his advice for how to handle the current North Korean nuclear threat. “Well, if I were still in office, I wouldn’t do a thing. That was always my modus operandi, unless…

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Syria Strike Reminds World What a P*$$y Obama Was


FREE WORLD – Opinions differ on the motivation for, and the repercussions of, President Trump’s ordered military strike on Syria this week. Many world leaders applauded his move and believe the attack sends America’s enemies a strong message. The main person who hates Trump’s show of force is Barack Obama. The world has been reminded what a p*$$y Obama was. The former president always had too much estrogen in his system to deal with the Syria problem. No one wants the Syrian situation to escalate beyond this point, but many…

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Obama Memoir To Be Titled “Wiretap Dancing Around the Issues”


WASHINGTON – In what may be the biggest book deal bust in history, former wiretapper Barack Obama landed a deal for his memoir that will pay he and wife Michelle a reported $60 million for books from the two. Now we know what the working title for Mr. Obama’s memoir will be. “I thought ‘Wiretap Dancing Around the Issues‘ was a clever play on words, don’t you think?” Obama asked. “You know, wiretapping and tap dancing around the truth were two of my favorite things to do during my time…

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MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Temporarily Paralyzed From Waist Down

WASHINGTON – Right around noon today, MSNBC commentator Chris Matthews lost all sensation in his lower body. Doctors who examined him this afternoon said Matthews is a little freaked out about the sudden paralysis, but they believe he should regain feeling in his legs slowly over the next few months. “It’s been well documented that Chris contracted a neurological disorder when President Obama won his election back in 2008. The tingling sensation he experienced when Mr. Obama appeared on TV, or made a speech, has been ongoing since then and…

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Young Boy Disses Obama on Last Night, Shouting “Screw Our President!” on Live TV


WASHINGTON – As if President Obama didn’t feel lousy enough having to give up the presidency on Friday, a little racist white boy poured lighter fluid on Barack’s emotions by shouting “Screw our President!” while being interviewed on live TV. The interview took place at a protest for people who don’t know how to handle their emotions after November’s election. The little punk said he had just started a fire in the street “because he felt like it.” Obviously, his folks must have won the Parent of the Year award…

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Josh Earnest Gives Final Briefing as Obama’s Minister of Propaganda

WASHINGTON – It was a big day for 17 year-old White House Minister of Propaganda Josh Earnest, as he gave his final bullsh*t session to reporters today. President Obama even made a surprise visit to heap praise on the boy wonder. “Josh is a fine young man. And a damn good liar!” Obama told members of the press. “Many times when I was in a mess, I would sit in the Oval Office and watch on TV and marvel at the web of deceit he would weave for the American…

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Obama Awards Himself “Greatest President Ever” Medal During Farewell


CHICAGO – With gunshots ringing out and ambulance sirens in the background, President Obama gave his “pat myself on the back” farewell speech in bullet-riddled Chicago last night. His audience was mesmerized and brought to tears during his 51-minute self-lovefest. In fact, Obama’s farewell speech clocked in at 10 minutes longer than the farewell speeches of President’s Reagan, Clinton, and Bush combined – proving how great he is. However, if you remove the references of “I” and “Me,” along with the time he spent between remarks, holding his chin high…

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Looking Back On All the Ways Obama Made America a Better Place

As the Obama’s wind up their farewell tour, it’s time to look back and list all the many ways President Obama made America a better place during his 8 years in office. Below, we’ve compiled a list of major contributions Mr. Obama made to our country, and the many ways he will be fondly remembered for bringing our culture – and the world – closer together: Uh………. Wait, I know there must be something… Hold on… Nope. Sorry.  

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