Women’s Marchers Name Michael Moore as Their Ideal Male

WASHINGTON – Michael Moore is just too good looking, too fit, too charming, and too smart for his own good. At the Women’s March to protest Donald Trump’s presidency in DC today, Moore was named “The Ideal Male” by millions of self-identifying females – most of whom admit that the stud is really the best they could ever hope to land, anyway. “Look at the queso dripping from the corners of his mouth while he speaks to us! And he smells like pepperoni. He’s a dreamboat,” said Mitzi Larken, a…

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Young Boy Disses Obama on Last Night, Shouting “Screw Our President!” on Live TV

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WASHINGTON – As if President Obama didn’t feel lousy enough having to give up the presidency on Friday, a little racist white boy poured lighter fluid on Barack’s emotions by shouting “Screw our President!” while being interviewed on live TV. The interview took place at a protest for people who don’t know how to handle their emotions after November’s election. The little punk said he had just started a fire in the street “because he felt like it.” Obviously, his folks must have won the Parent of the Year award…

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49ers QB Kaepernick Explains Why He Refuses to Stand for National Anthem

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SAN FRANCISCO – San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick is facing criticism from American sports fans after he refused to stand for the national anthem before a preseason NFL game. Despite the controversy he’s caused himself, Kaepernick says he believes he’s doing the right thing and will continue to sit for the anthem going forward. However, Colin has now clarified his reason for refusing to stand. “I wanted to bring attention to what a humongous asshole I am. We’re talking world-class douchebag here. I’ve made more money playing a game…

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