CNN Anchors Admit They Just Like Saying Words “Collusion,” “Dossier”

dossier

ATLANTA – Numerous CNN personalities have admitted off-camera that they understand there is really no evidence of cooperation between Russia and the Trump campaign during the 2016 election cycle. They just really like saying the words “collusion” and “dossier” (doss-i-eh). Alisyn Camerota explained, “I especially like the word ‘dossier.’ It makes me feel European and sophisticated. I even feel like I should be sticking my pinky finger out when I pronounce it! To be honest, I don’t even know what it means, but I read what they put on the…

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MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Appalled by Trump/Putin Manspreading Display

manspreading

NEW YORK – Everyone is in agreement that “manspreading” is the biggest challenge facing mankind, probably since the centuries-old problem of not being able to find men’s dress shirts that look good untucked. Thank God, the owner of UNTUCKit has alleviated the latter. So it was no surprise that MSNBC host Chris Matthews couldn’t get past what he saw during this week’s G20 summit meeting between President Trump and Russia’s President Putin. Matthews felt the need to “mansplain” the incident: “See how both men are spreading their legs open, as…

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Trump, Putin Engage in Feats of Strength at G20 Summit Meeting

HAMBURG – In the much-anticipated meeting between President Trump and Russian President Putin at the G20 summit held this week, no one was sure whether the two would bond or not. However, it appears that Putin has much more respect for Trump than he did for former girly-man President Obama. Trump and Putin engaged in a “feats of strength” contest after a cordial meeting for the cameras. The two then met for over two hours, as the men tried to impress the other. First up was arm wrestling. Trump took…

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Media On Edge After Seeing Trump’s CNN Body Slam Video

NEW YORK – President Trump shocked members of the media everywhere today, when he released a parody video showing The Prez body slamming a person representing CNN to the ground at a WWE event. It should be pointed out that most members of the media don’t have a sense of humor. So, of course, they miss the joke and believe Trump is inciting violence against their profession. Below is the released video, followed by comments made by various skittish journalists: From CNN – Jim Acosta – “Was that me he…

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Trump Charges Joe and Mika Fee for Letting World Know They Have a Show

mika

NEW YORK – If you host a cable show, but nobody watches it, does the show really exist? This is the predicament faced by MSNBC morning hosts “Psycho” Joe Scarborough and his snooty fiance, “Crazy” Mika Brezschgretsky, or something. If you don’t know who they are, you’re not alone. Psycho Joe and Crazy Mika have been annoying a very limited cable audience for years on a show called Morning Psycho Joe. After non-stop badgering of President Trump from the wannabe power couple, the president dropped a few MOAB tweets about them that…

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CNN Viewers Confused: “Is Russia Story BS or a Big Nothing-Burger?”

nothing-burger

ATLANTA – CNN is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. And their viewers are too. Undercover videos, released by Project Veritas this week, have shown a CNN producer calling the Trump/Russia story “bullsh*t.” Meanwhile, network contributor Van Jones calls the story “just a big nothing-burger.” CNN’s viewers are left scratching their heads. “Well, which is it?” viewer Brett Kaufman asked. “If the next person comes out and says ‘there’s no there, there,’ I’m going to kick somebody’s can down the road. I won’t know what the hell…

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Three Little Pigs at CNN Lose Jobs Trying to Destroy Big Bad Trump

pigs

ATLANTA – Three little pigs who work at CNN have destroyed their own careers while trying to destroy the big bad wolf, President Trump. The arrogant pigs had to resign in disgrace after getting busted for manufacturing bogus stories about the wolf. The first little CNN pig built his stories out of clickbait. He didn’t care if the article was far-fetched, as long as viewers got fooled into clicking on the link. If he could get them to do that, there was a chance they might believe the lie he…

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Shakespeare Embarrassed by Trump Assassination Play in Park

shakespeare

NEW YORK – The ghost of William Shakespeare appeared tonight in Manhattan, briefly, and expressed his disgust and embarrassment at the way progressives have bastardized his play Julius Caesar with their interpretation of it. The left has inserted a President Trump character in the leading role, and are calling it art. “What are these fools doing to my work?!” an exasperated Shakespeare asked. “The left should not be afraid of Trump. Some are born Trump, some achieve Trumpness, and some have Trumpness thrust upon them. That’s just life.” “Like I always…

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Liberals Hyperventilating Over Paris Climate Pull Out Raising CO2 Levels!

WASHINGTON – The sky is falling! Progressive outrage, and liberals hyperventilating over President Trump’s withdrawal of the United States from the Paris Climate Accord, is causing a disturbing rise in the world’s carbon dioxide levels. Media pundits, Barack Obama, Leo DiCaprio, world leaders, Al Gore, and others overreacting to the move by Trump are having such fits that their whining and gnashing of teeth are causing CO2 levels to rise. How much, we don’t yet know. Climate scientists haven’t finished cooking the books on the numbers yet. Progressives are quoting…

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