Late Show’s Colbert Officially a Turd Nugget After Calling Trump ‘Putin’s C*ck Holster’

NEW YORK – CBS has got to be grinning from ear to crooked ear after their favorite son of late night TV grabbed headlines this week for slamming President Trump. The Late Show’s Stephen Colbert referred to the president as “Putin’s c*ck holster.” You can buy a vowel if you’d like. Echoing Michelle Obama’s famous quote from the Democratic National Convention, “When they go low….we go lower,” the former first lady must be proud. Colbert has made a name for himself on TV by being a twat waffle for years…

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O’Reilly Leaves Fox News, Now Nobody Looking Out For You

NEW YORK – It’s a tough time to be alive. For decades, America could relax at night because Bill O’Reilly and his O’Reilly Factor show were watching out for us. We knew that. It was comforting. But nothing lasts forever, and now you’re on your own. Oh sure, Bill will keep writing his “killing” books. His next is expected to be “Barack Obama: Killing America.” That should be good. But how will people know when/if they’re being pithy enough? Will America dumb down even more without its “word of the…

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HGTV’s Flip or Flop Show’s Next Project: The Democratic Party

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CALI – Due to the popularity of their house flipping show on HGTV, the network’s Flip or Flop stars, Tarek and Christina El Moussa, have been hired to see if they can take the lowly, dilapidated Democratic Party and turn it into something with a little curb appeal. “I was excited to get the chance to try this,” Christina said. “It’s going to take a ton of work though. This party is a mess. It’s outdated, neglected, and falling apart in so many places. You’re not going to just slap…

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CNN Changing Name to ‘CNN Satire’ to Match Fake News Reputation

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ATLANTA – Thanks to fake news pioneers Chris Cuomo, Brian Stelter, Don Lemon, Jake Tapper and others, CNN has decided to update it’s name to CNN SATIRE. The network believes the name change will better reflect the content of the product they’re pushing to the public these days. Network president Jeffrey Zucker said, “We here at CNN hate the term ‘fake news,’ especially when it is applied to us. So we feel that this way we can continue to crank out questionable material, combined with occasional facts, and when called…

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Hillary Debuts Angry Singing Style on ‘The Voice’

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HOLLYWOOD – Trying to divert attention away from the ongoing FBI investigation into her email issues, Hillary Clinton made a surprise appearance on The Voice, a singing competition show. She stunned the crowd with her stage presence and the way the stage fans blew her hair back throughout her performance. Her vocals were a different story: Judge Adam Levine: “I’m not sure what I just witnessed. I love Hillary, but this made fingernails on a chalkboard sound like a lullaby. Was she shouting a campaign speech to music? I have…

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Mainstream Media: “WikiLeaks? Never Heard of It”

ATLANTA – Members of the mainstream media (MSM) admitted yesterday they have no idea what “WikiLeaks” is. They say that unless WikiLeaks is a clearinghouse for women who claim that Donald Trump groped them 20 years ago, they’re not interested. Clinton News Network president Jeff Zucker explained it this way: “We’ve got Ken Bone to report on, the ongoing investigation into the Kim Kardashian robbery, Colin Kaepernick getting to start for San Francisco, not to mention getting Hillary into the White House by any means necessary.” David Rhodes, president of…

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“Unsolved Mysteries” TV Show to Return With Episode on Missing Hillary Press Conferences

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HOLLYWOOD – An old television show from the last century is gearing up to make a return in the near future, as Unsolved Mysteries will be exploring more modern mysteries that continue to baffle people in 2016. The show was a hit in the 1980’s. Some mysteries from the past remain unsolved today – Bigfoot, space aliens, Loch Ness Monster, Stonehenge, and the Kardashians. But there are newer mysteries that deserve delving into as well. Below are some of the recorded teasers from upcoming episodes this fall: “As elusive as…

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Hillary Appears on ‘Shark Tank’ to Appeal for More Campaign Funds

Saying she can’t help herself when it comes to asking for money, Hillary Clinton went on the hit reality show Shark Tank to try and persuade one or more of the “sharks” on the show to invest in her presidential campaign. Shark Tank is a show where entrepreneurs pitch their ideas and products to extremely rich and successful investors – the Sharks – in the hopes that one of them will inject cash into the guest’s vision by partnering up with them. Mrs. Clinton appeared in a shiny, purple pantsuit and…

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