Republicans Complete Trade With Progressives, Kanye for Joe Scarborough, Others

LOS ANGELES – On the eve of the 2018 NFL Draft, the nation’s Republican base has inked a deal with progressives that has rapper Kanye West going to the Right. In the trade, the Left acquires MSNBC Beavis-look-a-like Joe Scarborough, CNN’s Anna Navarro, and three Never-Trumpers to be named later. Kanye filed for free (thinking) agency earlier this week when he tweeted comments supporting President Donald Trump. The rapper even posted pics of his autographed, red MAGA hat – an object whose sight affects those on the Left the same…

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Trump Plans to Live-Tweet During His SOTU Speech

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WASHINGTON – Following the reading of parts of Fire and Fury by Hillary Clinton at the Grammy’s this weekend, President Trump says he will live-tweet during his State of the Union speech Tuesday night. He said he plans to read excerpts from Hillary’s What Happened excuse book as well. When he’s not gesturing with his hands during his speech, he’ll be feverishly working his thumbs behind the podium to tweet about Jay-Z, Eminem, Joy Behar, Anna Navarro and many others. “I can maintain focus on letting the country know how…

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Cher Offers Home as Sanctuary, Tells DREAMERS “I Got You Babe”

MALIBU – Hollywood moonbat Cher is offering to open her home to “Dreamers” as a sanctuary to protect those children who arrived illegally in our country, and who have grown up in America, but remain illegal aliens. President Trump is hoping to discontinue Barack Obama’s unconstitutional DACA order, and that’s all Cher needed to hear to set her off. “That idiot in the White House wants to enforce immigration laws that are already on the books?!” a shell-shocked Cher shouted. “Over my dead, plastic body!!! He can go to hell. I’ll…

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Trump Charges Joe and Mika Fee for Letting World Know They Have a Show

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NEW YORK – If you host a cable show, but nobody watches it, does the show really exist? This is the predicament faced by MSNBC morning hosts “Psycho” Joe Scarborough and his snooty fiance, “Crazy” Mika Brezschgretsky, or something. If you don’t know who they are, you’re not alone. Psycho Joe and Crazy Mika have been annoying a very limited cable audience for years on a show called Morning Psycho Joe. After non-stop badgering of President Trump from the wannabe power couple, the president dropped a few MOAB tweets about them that…

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Twitter Changes Avatar to More Inclusive Image, World Peace Now Within Reach

TWITTERVERSE – With all the division, chaos and strife in the world today, things just got a little more sane. Thank God, Twitter has updated their generic avatar “egg” to a more inclusive, gender non-specific image. This bold move inches the planet that much closer to world peace. When every person opens a Twitter account, they used to have an egg as their profile pic until they uploaded their own. The egg was meant to symbolize that it would soon hatch and the bird would start tweeting to the world.…

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