The James Comey Memos Translated

memos

WASHINGTON – Disgraced former FBI director James Comey’s memos, regarding his interactions with President Trump, were released to Congress today, and were soon after released to the media. The following is an un-redacted translation of one of those memos:

Dear Diary,

I wanted to put my thoughts from my dinner with the president tonight down on paper because I want to document the drama I created – and am now caught up in – like the emotional teenage girl that I am.  I sure hope these writings don’t come back to haunt me someday. I didn’t tell the president about this tonight, but I just told my buddy Andy McCabe that ‘my best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy, who knows this kid, who’s going with the girl who saw Trump colluding with Russians last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.’

That’s all the proof I have on this collusion issue, but it sounded pretty legit. I just don’t understand how that guy beat Hillary despite all of my best efforts! Attorney General Lynch tried to explain to me that ‘the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads, they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.’ Loretta’s a hip mamma jamma. But I still don’t know how to bring this guy down! Must stop writing now. Starting to feel queasy again. Why does everything make me queasy? Google IBS. Love you, self. Remember, nobody’s smarter than you! Until my next journal entry… 

Comey

Comey, who is currently on tour promoting his soon-to-be drastically discounted book, has been described as a modern J. Edgar Hoover, minus the common sense and intelligence. 

cover photo credit: conservative refocus

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2 Thoughts to “The James Comey Memos Translated

  1. And Comey looks damn good in dresses too!

    1. E. Williams

      YIKES!!! Lol

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