President Trump to Give State of The Onion Speech Tuesday

WASHINGTON – Next Tuesday, President Trump will give the American people an update on the state of the satirical website The Onion. The annual State of The Onion address will give the president an opportunity to explain the differences between satire and fake news. A number of Democrats in Congress have already announced their plans to boycott the president’s speech, citing their lack of a sense of humor as the main reason. Some media members, including Joe Scarborough and Mika, Joy Reid, Chris Matthews and the entire CNN lineup, will…

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Feud Between Cuddling, Spooning Industries Intensifies Under Trump

CALIFORNIA – When you have a hard time dealing with reality, what do you do? Human nature is to try to learn to deal with whatever the problem is. But if you’re a progressive, college liberal, or low-info Democrat, that strategy is not going to work for you. Thus, the professional cuddling and the professional spooning industries have emerged to help those who need extra comforting. And business is booming during the Trump presidency. There is trouble in paradise though, as the competing businesses fight it out for snowflake dollars.…

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