UC Berkeley to Offer New Degree Plan in Riotology

CALI – The University of California, Berkeley has had it with free speech and they’re not going to take it anymore. As everyone knows, when you disagree with someone, that person should not be allowed to express their differing opinions near you – under any conditions.

The use of force to stop such speech is not only allowed, but encouraged here. As the leader in restricting first amendment rights from those who oppose them, UC Berkeley will now begin offering an undergraduate degree plan in Riotology. Graduates of the program will be able to enter the activist job market as professional riotologists.

Riots don’t just happen. They’re planned, coordinated, and carried out when and where the rioters hope their violence and anarchy will have the greatest impact. If you want your riot to go off without a hitch, you need a certified riotologist to lead the way.

Approved textbook for the Riotology program at Berkeley.

The Riotology curriculum includes; no math courses, no science, no history, no English, and no government classes. However, courses such as “Where to Buy the Best Masks and Face Coverings,” “Pepper Spraying for Accuracy,” “Fascism the Antifa Way,” “Building Your Immunity to Tear Gas,” “Everything Goes With Black,” “Tips for Outrunning Trump Supporters,” “Proper Looting Etiquette,” and lots and lots of electives.

Starting salaries for a new riotology graduate varies, depending on whether the individual is hired by a George Soros funded organization (they pay the best) or one of many other progressive groups.

So if you can’t stand hearing differing opinions, think everyone should only think the way you do, and like the thought of using fascism to supposedly oppose fascism, UC Berkeley’s riotology program may be just what you’re looking for!

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  1. bluebird of bitterness April 30, 2017 at 7:18 PM - Reply

    Are you getting kickbacks from Berkeley for promoting their program?

    • E. Williams April 30, 2017 at 10:52 PM Reply

      Lawyers are working on it!

  2. Rich Hoffer April 27, 2017 at 7:29 AM - Reply

    I’m just wondering if I’m too old to qualify for admission? I hear it’s a pretty rigorous standard…it’s almost as bad as that ISIS training program where you climb monkey bars and run through tires!

    • E. Williams April 27, 2017 at 9:14 AM Reply

      It’s not your age, but I think you’re too smart to qualify. Sorry, buddy.

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