Saudi Arabia Unveils Car Designed for Country’s Newly Driving Women

RIYADH – The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has finally given the green light for women to drive in that country for the first time. And with the new right comes a specially-designed car – just for the motoring Muslim female. Of course, they’ll have to (Ku)wait to get behind the wheel until next summer. Ba-dum-ba. Introducing the 2018 Arabian Abaya from Mecca Motors Corporation. The brand new model is available in stylish black. Just black. The Abaya is completely covered, except for a small opening over the windshield for the…

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Trump, Putin Engage in Feats of Strength at G20 Summit Meeting

HAMBURG – In the much-anticipated meeting between President Trump and Russian President Putin at the G20 summit held this week, no one was sure whether the two would bond or not. However, it appears that Putin has much more respect for Trump than he did for former girly-man President Obama. Trump and Putin engaged in a “feats of strength” contest after a cordial meeting for the cameras. The two then met for over two hours, as the men tried to impress the other. First up was arm wrestling. Trump took…

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Many Brits Going Back to Suits of Armor Due to Constant Terror Threats

LONDON – The string of terror attacks in England has many Brits returning to wearing medieval suits of armor as an extra layer of protection against jihadist attacks. The metal suits would help prevent many injuries/deaths caused by bullets, knives, and shrapnel from explosive devices. The Knight Shop, located in Colwyn, UK, has seen a massive surge in sales of their suits in recent weeks. Olly Richardson manages The Knight Shop, and says, “People are scared. I know suits of armor are cumbersome for everyday activities, but it just may…

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North Korea Unveils Newest Rocket, Tests Planned

PINGPONG, N KOREA – Try as they might, North Korea hasn’t had much luck with their rocket launches lately. They’d like to impress their enemies by showing off the nation’s military might, but tests have so far been less than intimidating. The country’s leader, Kim Jong-un, is proud to now show off his newest and best rocket. Called the “Hot Rocket 1970,” the structure towers four stories high. Kim says the name comes from the fact that parts of the rocket get very hot in the sun. “Our prototype had…

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North Korea Set to Test “Redheaded Stepchild of All Bombs”

PING PONG, N. KOREA – The United States today dropped what they are calling “the mother of all bombs” on ISIS targets in Afghanistan. Russia has an arsenal of massive bombs they refer to as “the father of all bombs.” Now, North Korea is set to test what is being called “the redheaded stepchild of all bombs” to show its own military might. The “redheaded stepchild bomb” gets no respect in the ordnance industry, or from other countries. North Korea’s leader, the crazy fat kid, gets no respect from other…

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ISIS Cheer Squad Rated Worst in World for Third Straight Year

cheer

RAQQA – ISIS has evolved since its inception in many ways. To give some of the more athletic militant fighters a creative outlet, the ISIS Cheer Squad was formed three years ago. The team has never competed in person at a competition, but they have submitted videos of their routines. For the third year in a row, the group has been awarded the worst cheer squad in the world by the World Cheer Association. Disappointed but undeterred, the team’s coach believes they will someday be taken seriously. Amjad, a ISIS…

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Obama Says Cash to Iran for Hostages Just a “Coinkydink”

coinkydink ransom

WASHINGTON – After getting busted for trying to secretly give $400 million to Iran in exchange for the release of four American hostages, President Obama said the appearance of caving to the demands of terrorists was just a “coinkydink.” “I could stand here and give you a bunch of my usual mumbo jumbo, okie-doke,” the President said, “But the fact is, I had $400 million just sitting around the White House, and I was tired of tripping over it. But, let me be clear…….this money was used to buy the…

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John Kerry Describes Why Air Conditioners Are as Deadly as ISIS

OVER THE ATLANTIC¬†(The Barbed Wire) – Flying back to the States from another failed foreign policy mission, Secretary of State John Kerry was asked by the press to clarify his recent asinine remarks that equated air conditioners being as deadly to our population as ISIS. Here is Kerry’s response: Those of you who know me know what a complete loon I am about climate change, global warming, whatever we want to call it. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I read in the paper that media reports had twisted…

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World Leaders Beg Obama to Stop Saying World is Safer Now

EUROPE – Leaders from all over Europe have sent a statement to President Obama, asking him to please, please, please stop trying to reassure the public that the world is safer now than before he took office. It seems every time Mr. Obama opens his delusional mouth, within hours, a terror attack takes place somewhere in the world. “If we could just get him to shut the hell up,” France’s President Hollande said. “I mean, it’s getting to be like clockwork. He speaks optimistically about how wonderful things are, and…

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