Pelosi Paints Bleak Life Without Obamacare

WASHINGTON – Nancy Pelosi has never been one to exaggerate, embellish, lie, or scare-monger on any issue she was defending during her never-ending political life in this town. OK, that’s not true. It’s just the first joke about Nancy in this article. Pelosi is in “the sky is falling!” mode, as Republicans FINALLY seem to be ready and able to trash the disaster known as Obamacare. Nancy, of course, is an expert on the wonder of Obamacare because she never read it. But that hasn’t stopped her from fiercely defending…

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Megyn Kelly’s Ego Leaving Fox, Signs With NBC

NEW YORK CITY – Known to many fans of Fox News Channel¬†(FNC) as “MeAgain” Kelly, Megyn Kelly’s ego has worked out a deal with NBC, and will be delighting many viewers with her departure. Since MeAgain’s ego ballooned after her fight with Donald Trump a year-and-a-half ago, countless viewers have been hoping she would take her smugness elsewhere. We spoke to MeAgain’s ego, who had this to say: “I mean, just look at me. I’m hot, sexy, smart, funny, and I rock this blonde hair better than anyone. What’s not…

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UFC Fighter Ronda Rousey: “Now I Know How Hillary Must Have Felt”

LAS VEGAS – Following her stunning defeat in the UFC 207 fight against Amanda Nunes on Friday night, former champion Ronda Rousey was shell-shocked, and skipped the post-fight media interviews. However, she did have John Podesta come out and read a statement to supporters for her. According to ESPN, Rousey said, “Tonight was truly an ass-whooping. I never saw that one coming. Reluctantly, I applaud Amanda for the superior fight she gave me. As I sit here battered and bruised, feeling punch-drunk and trying to regain my faculties, I know…

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Leading Democrats Ponder Funding Research for ‘Arrogance Vaccine’

WASHINGTON – Denying they have a problem, leaders of the Democratic Party are at least responding to talk from some on Capitol Hill who insist it’s way past time for Democrats to invest in finding a cure for the arrogance that plagues their party. However, a reliable vaccine could take years, if not decades, to make it to market. Secretary of Stupid, John Kerry, who many liken to being no smarter than a rock, said he doesn’t understand why money should be spent on such a vaccine. “In case you…

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Obama Retirement: “I’ll Take Time to Reflect on What Americans Did Wrong”

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WASHINGTON – As President Obama gives his “exit” interviews before leaving office in January, he’s been asked what some of the first things he plans on doing are, once he’s settled in his Washington D.C. mansion. As the modest man he’s always been, Obama said he’s going to do some deep introspection and reflect for a while, before writing a book. “I’m going to do two things, primarily. First, I’ll spend a great deal of time looking at myself. Our new place in DC is being fitted with wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling…

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Christmas 2016: The Year of the Revenge Gift

NORTH POLE – Santa has reported a huge surge in “revenge” gift giving this year, as liberals continue to be incapable of controlling their anger and bitterness following the crushing defeat of their Queen Hillary. To express their hatred toward family members who had the gall to vote for Donald Trump, many are planning to spite those they reluctantly have to call “family.” Disgruntled Democrats are making donations to organizations like Planned Parenthood, The Sierra Club, the DNC, and others, in a Trump-voting family member’s name. The crybabies believe they…

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Lena Dunham Wants Clitoral College to Stop Trump Presidency

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NEW YORK CITY – America’s skankheart, “actress” Lena Dunham, is outraged again now that Donald Trump has secured the presidency after the Electoral College yesterday made his victory official. Dunham, who finds it difficult to go one day without saying something truly bizarre, railed against our voting system once more. Today, after announcing that even though she’d never had an abortion, she wishes now that she had, Lena railed against the Electoral College system for voting for Donald Trump. “The fact that the EC was thought up by a bunch…

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Hillary Tells Democrats to “Please Stop Trying to Help Me!”

DEEP IN THE WOODS – A group of hikers stumbled across Hillary Clinton in a thick forest near Chappaqua early today. Since her humiliating defeat in early November, Mrs. Clinton has shunned most human contact and has started learning to live off the land. Looking particularly haggard, the hikers asked if there was anything they could do to help the year’s biggest loser. “Yes!” she screamed. “Please tell Democrats to stop trying to help me! I know they mean well, but I can’t take any more of these embarrassing losses.”…

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Hillary’s Latest: “Pulled Hamstring Kept Me From Running Better Race”

NEW YORK CITY – Hillary Clinton limped to the stage a few days ago at the Plaza Hotel here, in an attempt to explain to her top donors why their hard-earned millions ended up being part of the worst political investment in history. The Clinton campaign managed to flush over $1 billion down the toilet, just to come in second. Granted, Mrs. Clinton faced strong headwinds in her quest for the presidency, only having had every available advantage known to man helping carry her to her throne. But, besides those…

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Rick Perry Confirms Liberal Tears to be Used in Fracking Process

WEST TEXAS – Now that President-Elect Trump has named former Texas Governor Rick Perry as his choice to run the Energy Department, you can be sure that many oilfields will be getting very busy starting in 2017. Perry plans to expand drilling and fracking in many areas as America looks to become more energy independent. One of the problems with the oil extraction technique of “fracking” is that it takes a lot of water to pump into the ground to access harder to reach oil deposits. But, thanks to the…

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