What’s Wrong With Him? Biden Won’t Stop Calling Lids

DELAWARE – On the eve of the first 2020 presidential debate, rumors keep swirling around Joe Biden’s mental state. The main concern for many is that the Democrat nominee won’t stop calling Lids – the cap store located in many shopping malls. He’s called them almost half the days in September alone. Usually, Biden calls Lids early in the morning. Speaking to CNN’s Jake Tapper over the weekend, Dr. Jill Biden tried to downplay her husband’s behavior. “Look, Jake, Joe loves hats. Simple as that. And when he sees one…

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Dems: Barrett Can Win Our Votes By Performing Just 1 Abortion During Hearings

Barrett

WASHINGTON – Forget about Amy Coney Barrett’s Catholicism. Senate Democrats have a small favor to ask before they’ll give her their blessings as the newest Supreme Court Justice. Senator Diane Feinstein (D-CA) told reporters, “After talking with my Democratic colleagues, we all feel that if Judge Barrett will simply perform one abortion, during the confirmation hearings, we could give her our support. If she did that, I think we could overlook all the dogma that guides her. We could even get past her biggest sin – being a conservative.” Senator…

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CNN: Authorities Intercept Package Of ‘Mostly Peaceful’ Ricin Meant For Trump

package

NEW YORK – It was learned on Saturday that a package addressed to President Trump earlier in the week contained the toxic poison ricin. Fortunately, law enforcement agents intercepted the package before it reached the White House. While the poison can be deadly to humans, even in the smallest amounts, CNN is reporting that the ricin has been tested and was deemed to be ‘mostly peaceful.’ Mostly peaceful ricin is apparently a new strain of the poison. So new, in fact, that law enforcement didn’t know about it. “This is…

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GOP Will Need These Democrat Senators On Their Side To Replace RBG

RBG

WASHINGTON – Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG) is dead and the battle is on for her replacement. Democrats want to wait until after the November election. Republicans don’t. Senator Mitt Romney (D-Utah) explained his dilemma on a possible RBG replacement vote before the election. “Hey, it doesn’t matter to me. I hate the president so much that I’d vote ‘NO’ whenever the vote takes place. And even though the future of our country hangs in the balance, don’t you think civility is more important? I can’t imagine angering…

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California Gov Touts ‘Apocalyptic Camping’ Industry: Fun For The Whole Family

CALIFORNIA – The Golden State is becoming known as The Stop, Drop & Roll State. So, as wildfires choke the West Coast with smoke, the governor is touting a new industry. Apocalyptic camping. Governor Gavin Newsom starred in a new ad campaign this week, encouraging tourism from those seeking a depressing, bleak, and unhealthy way to get away from it all. “Where else can you lay under orangy skies without dropping acid first?” Newsom mentioned some of the benefits of apocalyptic camping. “You don’t have to worry about wildlife. I…

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Hypocrisy: Media Silent When Kamala Called Fallen Vets ‘Jive Turkeys and Suckas’

suckas

WASHINGTON – Donald Trump is being crucified in the media for a story based on anonymous sources. According to a reporter at The Atlantic, the president referred to fallen soldiers as “losers and suckers.” Supporters in his administration have come forward denying he ever said such a thing. However, the guilty narrative exposes yet another double standard from the mainstream media. They feign outrage over Trump’s supposed remarks, but said nothing when Democrat Kamala Harris “reportedly” said basically the same thing years ago. As a DA in California during the…

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Nike Debuts ‘Molotov’ Shoe Line For Antifa/BLM In Portland

molotov

VENTURA PARK – ‘Just Burn It.’ It’s a tagline all rioters are familiar with. To honor them, Nike just unveiled their new line of shoes for Antifa and Black Lives Matters protesters. The Nike Molotov®. “It’s a very exciting line for the company,” Nike spokesman Colin Kaepernick announced. “If you’re trying to tear down America, it’s important to have the right shoe as your foundation. I believe the Nike Molotov is a game-changer in the riot wear industry.” A Nike model showed off the new shoe on the 100th night…

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Woke NFL Would Prefer White Players Not Tackle Black Players

black players

NEW YORK – It’s all about racial equality. The NFL is totally woke and they don’t want you to forget it. It’s not just adding ‘End Racism’ messages in end zones, and letting players add black victims’ names to their uniforms. Their wokeness may soon extend to the game itself. “We’re already well on or way to ruining the sport for fans with this race stuff,” commissioner Roger Goodell explained. “So the next thing we’re talking about doing is telling white players not to tackle black players. We must have…

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Nancy Pelosi Uncovers Massive Underground Hair Salon Racket

hair salon

SAN FRANCISCO – As if 2020 couldn’t get any more bizarre, now Nancy Pelosi has uncovered a massive, underground hair salon racket that few Americans are aware of. And despite Pelosi’s discovery, there’s no telling how deep this salon set-up goes. The Speaker of the House claims she was lured into a San Francisco hair salon under false pretenses that she was above the law. You see, hair salons were closed down at the time due to the current coronavirus pandemic. “I suspect this goes all the way up to…

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