Joe Biden Claims Voters Have Given Him An Old Man(date) For Change

old man

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden is getting a little ahead of himself these days. He hasn’t won the White House yet. However, he’s acting like he already has. Secret Service has upped security on Biden. In addition, airspace has been restricted over his basement. And now, Joe is claiming that the election proves voters have given him an old man(date) for progressive change. “I’m an old man,” Biden told reporters. “I get it. And when a president wins, they like to say they were given a mandate for change. So,…

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Joe Biden Fires Two Shotgun Blasts Into Air After Reporter Asks About Hunter

shotgun

CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Democrat Joe Biden still feels the best way to scare off unwanted intruders is to fire two shotgun blasts in the air. While Biden loves the state-run media that runs cover for him, any reporter who asks about his son is seen as a threat. A reporter asked Joe about the corruption scandal regarding the Biden family. Without missing a beat, Joe shocked everyone when he pulled a shotgun from behind the podium. The former VP quickly fired two blasts into the air, even before the reporter…

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CNN: Don Lemon’s Friends Realize Being His Friend Was Hitting Rock Bottom

NEW YORK – CNN’s Don Lemon announced this week that he’s had to ‘get rid of’ his friends who support President Trump. He likened his friends to drug addicts. Then he told buddy Chris Cuomo that sometimes you just have to let people like that “hit rock bottom.” Lemon has long been a race pimp who uses hate and condescension to bring people together. It’s a novel approach. Now, some former friends are responding to his heartless comments from this week. “I was attending our latest meeting of Don Lemons’…

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Castaway Jack Dorsey Blames ‘Wilson’ For Censoring Conservatives On Twitter

WASHINGTON – Island castaway and Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey appeared via Zoom before a Senate committee this week. At issue is the ongoing censorship of conservative accounts on his platform. Meanwhile, accounts of progressives are never censored. Social media sites have been blocking the publication of posts detrimental to Joe Biden. The New York Post busted Biden and his family for corruption involving Communist China. Senator Ted Cruz let Jack have it. “Who the hell elected you, Mr. Dorsey, to be the arbiter of truth on social media?” The disheveled…

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Deep State Author ‘Anonymous’ Discovers His Real Name – And It’s Lame

Anonymous

WASHINGTON – He considers himself a Beltway Boy Wonder. He calls himself ‘Anonymous.’ He’s written scathing reviews of President Trump which were published in the New York Times in 2018. Then he wrote the anti-Trump book, A Warning. He thinks he’s a patriot. Anonymous was living a lie. When he became known for the Times article, he claimed to be a “senior” White House official. Now, we know that’s only because he was a high school senior at the time. Still, it’s hard being Anonymous. In an interview with CNN’s Anderson…

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Biden Exposes Dems As Chump-A-Phobes During Small Rally

chump

PENNSYLVANIA – Presidential candidate is spilling dirty little secrets about his party at his few public appearances. This weekend, he called Trump supporters ‘chumps.’ And he’s clearly worried about them. Speaking from the Great Pumpkin Patch to a small gathering of scarecrows, he said, “What do we as Democrats do to someone who doesn’t agree with our views? That’s right. We name-call. Because that’s all we’ve got. But it’s worked well for us so far! We shame them into surrendering to our position. I love how we just add ‘phobe’…

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Twitter Fact Check: Joe Biden Was Never Vice President

TWITTERVERSE – Democrat Joe Biden is in a heap of trouble these days. The presidential candidate and his son Hunter have been accused of some pretty bad behavior. It seems Hapless Joe has been accused of using the Biden name to enrich his own family for decades. The damning evidence on a “laptop from Hell,” as Joe calls it, could hurt Democrats’ chances of winning the White House in a couple of weeks. Fortunately for the Biden’s, the arbiters of truth in our society, Twitter and Facebook, have Joe’s back.…

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CNN Unsure About Jeffrey’s Future, Toobin Says He’d Like To Stick It Out

Toobin

NEW YORK – Masturbating during Zoom calls has not gone mainstream yet. CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin didn’t get the memo. So network executives met to discuss his future with the company. Toobin has taken a leave of absence in light of being caught pleasuring himself during a Zoom call. The network says their guy is suffering from over-exposure. “At first, I thought about just giving him the shaft,” said CNN president Jeff Zucker. “But after I cooled down, I realized that Jeffrey is just the kind of degenerate we…

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Biden On Excessive Force: Cops Could Be Trained To ‘Just Kick ‘Em In The ‘Nads’

excessive force

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden made headlines this week for stating that cops need to be retrained to eliminate the use of excessive force. It’s part of his “kinder, gentler reimagining of the police.” And based on testimony from Tara Reade, Biden is an expert on excessive force. The presidential candidate said recently that cops shouldn’t shoot to kill when dealing with a criminal. He suggested police shoot a suspect in the leg instead – if they’re black. If they’re white, police are free to shoot wherever. “I don’t know…

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ABC Town Hall Shocker: Stephanopoulos Surprised To Learn Biden Has Children

NEW YORK – Democrat Joe Biden held a town hall event Thursday night. The show aired on ABC, with George Stephanopoulos running interference for the former vice president. Joe wore his mask and a softball uniform due to the lack of tough questions he would face. Although Biden’s son, Hunter, is implicated with his dad in a Ukrainian corruption scandal, the presidential candidate was never asked about the growing scandal. The story has gone viral after mainstream media outlets tried to hide it from the American people. Stephanopoulos: Tell us…

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