Biden: Texans Can Achieve Unity By Huddling Together For Warmth

WASHINGTON – President Joe Biden always says he’s going to bring America together. The so-called Great Healing. He has no ideas on how to make that a reality, but that never matters. But as millions of Texans shiver through another frigid day without power and water, Biden sees an angle. He says that Texans being forced to huddle together just to keep warm is promoting unity. “When you’re freezing your balls off, you don’t care if the people next to you, keeping you warm, are Republicans or Democrats,” Joe told…

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Whatawinter! Texans Wrap Vehicles Around Whataburger Locations To Keep Them Warm

whataburger

TEXAS – The ongoing severe cold and snow event here is causing Texans to take drastic action. As temperatures plummet to record lows, people around the state are joining forces to protect what is dear to them. And that means Whataburger. The hamburger champ in Texas has fueled families here for decades. The burger chain is known for being open 24/7. So, as other businesses closed due to deteriorating weather conditions, people started showing their love. Thousands of Texans swarmed Whataburger locations with their cars and trucks, wrapping around locations,…

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ACQUITTED! 7 GOP Senators Given ‘Insurrection: Traitor Edition’ Board Game Instead

insurrection

WASHINGTON – President Trump has been acquitted of inciting the Jan. 6 riots on Capitol Hill. The sham impeachment trial is over. The waste of Americans’ time is over. But some politicians won’t be going home empty-handed. Seven Republican senators voted to convict Trump, along with every Democrat. At least these ‘Sappy 7’ GOP turncoats will be taking home the ‘Trump Insurrection: Traitor Edition‘ board game as a consolation prize. Senator Chuck Schumer said after the acquittal, “We want to thank these seven senators for playing. Obviously, we’re disappointed that…

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Dems Defend Impeachment Sham Under New Banana Republic

WASHINGTON – Under their new banana republic, Democrats have thrown the Constitution in the trash. At the moment, the party is conducting a Salem Witch type of trial to punish Donald Trump. Dems claim Trump cast a spell over supporters and then directed them to storm the Capitol on Jan. 6. The accusations are a joke, and the charges being made against the former president are a bigger stretch than Nancy Pelosi’s skin. Here’s a look at some of the idiocy Democrats have put forward in this charade: Congressman Cornelius…

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After Excessive ‘Circling Back,’ Jen Psaki Diagnosed With Severe Vertigo

circling back

WASHINGTON – Biden spokesperson Jen Psaki has been diagnosed with severe vertigo after ‘circling back’ too many times. The lopsided redhead has started medication to help with the condition. “Jen has ‘circled back’ so many times, it was inevitable that she would develop vertigo,” a White House doctor told reporters. “She presented saying she felt like her head was spinning. I told her she had to cut way down on ‘circling back’ or this was bound to happen.” Psaki partly blamed her unbalanced hairstyle, which causes her head to tilt…

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AOC Traumatized After Car Being Driven By Ted Cruz Backfires

traumatized

WASHINGTON – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was unable to work Friday after being traumatized from an incident involving a fellow politician. A day before, AOC had accused Senator Ted Cruz of trying to have her murdered during the unrest at the Capitol on Jan. 6. Whether it’s climate change, economics, or anything Republican-related, AOC is considered the drama queen of all drama queens. She accused Ted Cruz’s words of making her a marked woman, when Cruz did nothing of the sort. Still, she pretends to be on edge. On Friday morning, as…

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Biden Signs Exec Order Refilling DC Swamp To Pre-Trump Levels

DC Swamp

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden signed his most important (to the Democrat Party) executive order in his first week in office. The Only Good DC Swamp Is A Full DC Swamp order was signed Friday in the Oval Office. Members of the administration, fellow Democrats, and the mainstream media all cheered the signing. During the Trump administration, the president drained the Swamp about 39%. But that left the majority of the swamp to remain an ongoing breeding ground for anti-American corruption. And now that Democrats have total power, many creatures banished…

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Kamala Embarrassed After Getting On Knees To Take VP Oath

WASHINGTON – Democrat Kamala Harris was sworn in today as the new Vice-President of the FSA (Fractured States of America). However, her swearing in was marred by an embarrassing moment when Harris assumed her usual position to take the VP oath. Kamala got down on her knees and raised her right hand. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor administered the oath of office. But before she began, Sotomayor whispered, “Honey, you don’t have to do that anymore. You’re practically president now.” A slightly embarrassed Harris, helped to her feet by her…

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Antifa Rioter With ‘AOC Eyes’ Arrested After Posing As MAGA Supporter

AOC eyes

UTAH – A Antifa/BLM thug was arrested this week for his part in the Capitol riots last week. John Sullivan, faces federal charges for being such a dick. The young anarchist posed as a journalist and MAGA supporter as he incited violence among the crowd. Sullivan popped up on a FBI watch list due to his ‘AOC eyes.’ The name is given for the look of “wide-eyed crazy” made popular by Congresshuman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. A doctor from the Mayo Clinic described AOC eyes like this. “AOC eyes is a condition…

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VP Pence Confuses Pelosi As US House ‘Repeaches’ Trump

US House

WASHINGTON – Vice President Mike Pence threw US House Speaker Nancy Pelosi a curve ball yesterday. Nancy had requested Pence invoke the 25th Amendment to the US Constitution to have President Trump removed from office. Democrats have ginned up the idea that Trump incited violence at the Capitol last week. Instead, Pence responded in a letter which invoked the 1st, 5th, and 10th Amendments. The Speaker was confused by the VP’s response. “Mike sent back something about free speech nonsense, due process, and limiting our government’s power. None of those…

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