SAN FRANCISCO – San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick is facing criticism from American sports fans after he refused to stand for the national anthem before a preseason NFL game. Despite the controversy he’s caused himself, Kaepernick says he believes he’s doing the right thing and will continue to sit for the anthem going forward.
However, Colin has now clarified his reason for refusing to stand. “I wanted to bring attention to what a humongous asshole I am. We’re talking world-class douchebag here. I’ve made more money playing a game than most people will make in their lifetime, benefiting greatly from the opportunities this country offers. But I can still hate America, and I can still be a total asshole.”
Kaepernick, which means “major Tool” in several foreign languages, said his initial explanation for his protest having to do with some Black Lives Matter BS was a cover for the real reason. He now admits he’s just a total dick. Colin also said he had a message to all of his former fans who have posted videos of themselves burning his 49ers jersey in anger: “If those people wouldn’t mind, instead of burning them, drop them off at our stadium so I can use them to keep my butt comfortable while I warm the bench this season.”
An NFL spokesman released a statement following Kaepernick’s refusal: “We wanted fans to know we are working with a number of recording artists to come up with a second version of the anthem that will be just for butthurt, disrespectful pussies like Colin. It will be played right after the official national anthem at all games starting next month.”