WASHINGTON – On the eve of his one-man impeachment show, Democrat Adam Schiff has added several new charges to his list of what could constitute impeachable offenses committed by President Trump.
In addition to collusion, extortion, conspiracy, and bribery, Schiff has added “skullduggery” and “chicanery” as behaviors that he hopes will bring down the president. Asked if he truly believed the new charges rose to the level of being impeachable, he answered, “Impeachable offenses are what I dream up and say they are.”
Schiff, who prides himself on being a ‘professor of sophistry,’ insists he has proof that President Trump engaged in acts of high skullduggery and blatant chicanery with the country of Ukraine. “It’s right there for anybody to see, if they’re willing to look.”
Adam added that many Democratic legal scholars would characterize the president’s actions as “monkey business, but not quite.”
He also told reporters today that he and his fellow Democrats would show the American people that President Trump’s behavior was beneath the office of the presidency. To add an ominous tone to his remarks, Schiff said Trump may have even participated in shenanigans, a felony in Schiff’s mind.
“We owe it to the American people,” he concluded, “To assure them their president is not trying to flimflam a political opponent, using a foreign power. You can see why this is such a serious issue facing our country.”
Before walking away, Adam reminded the press that no one not named Hillary is above the law.