After Physical, Media Crushed That Trump Not On Deathbed


WASHINGTON – A dispirited media had to agonize through a nearly one-hour press conference by President Trump’s doctor, in which he informed them the president is in excellent health. Mr. Trump endured a full physical, lab work, and a mental competency test last Friday.

After hearing the terrible news (to them) that Trump is not on his deathbed, members of the media relentlessly peppered the doctor with questions they hoped would provoke some tidbit of information they could twist to use against President Trump.


Some of the questions shouted by the media to the presidential doctor included:

“How much could we pay you to issue a statement saying the president is mentally deranged?”
“Is there any hope of reversing the president’s Republican tendencies, so he would seem more rational?”
“Did you test the president for signs that he may be a zombie?”
“Are there any chants or prayers we could perform in our press rooms that would make the president drop dead?”
“Should Mr. Trump take a sudden turn for the worse, could Hillary still become president? Please?”
“Which anti-depressants would you recommend for those of us in the media who are clinically depressed after hearing today’s health report?”
“How strongly could you see the president’s racism on his x-rays?”
“Did the president’s blood work show any collusion with Russia, or any other country?”
“Is this the wrong week for those of us in the media to stop sniffing glue?”
“Would it be possible for us to conduct an autopsy on the president this afternoon to confirm with our own eyes what you’re telling us?”
“How do you square your diagnosis that the president is mentally fit, with the fact that he’s wrong on every issue?”
“Did you thoroughly examine the president’s s***hole?”

The media continues to embarrass itself, and seems happily oblivious about it.


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