ATLANTA – CNN has been reviewing tape after anchorman Anderson Cooper was caught pleasuring himself in the middle of an on-air interview with Trump counselor Kellyanne Conway. Cooper tried to be discreet about his (under the desk) activities, even holding his expressions of ecstasy until Conway looked down at her notes so she wouldn’t notice.
CNN’s medical expert, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, was alerted by producers and expressed his concern. “When I saw the tape of the interview, I was worried that Anderson may have had a seizure or suffered a mini-stroke. His eyes rolled back in his head, and then he did it again later. We knew it wasn’t an eye roll in response to what he was hearing from the guest, because that would have been extremely arrogant and unprofessional. Cooper knows better than to make such a rookie mistake.
“In fact, in today’s hyper-politically charged environment, if we applied the same rules to Anderson that we do to conservative journalists, we would have to say Cooper was a misogynist. If an anchor on Fox News had rolled his eyes during an interview with Valerie Jarrett or Hillary Clinton, that’s exactly what the media would be saying about them.”
Fortunately, Gupta determined that Cooper was just pleasuring himself behind the news desk. “He was alone in the studio, besides the cameramen, and I guess he just couldn’t hold out until his show was over. But for all those concerned about Anderson’s health, I can assure you he is completely healthy. Disrespectful and horny, but healthy.”